[Hermione]

[everyone_takes]

Not that she'd say it, but Kate felt sort of stupid about the whole trying to burn down the bookshelf thing. Having to spend the night in an IPD holding cell wasn't exactly her idea of a good time, especially given that the rest of the night had been pretty good. Something had happened to shift her mood, something between Harry and the bookshelf, but she couldn't remember what it might have been beyond the books themselves. There were bits and pieces of the party she still couldn't remember, but for the most part, everything else had come back to her.

Everything. That included acting like a complete asshole to Jeff when he'd just been trying to stop her from getting into trouble. Eventually she'd have to find him and apologize, not to mention thank him for what he'd done, but she wasn't ready for that just yet. It wasn't like Kate was a stranger to doing stupid shit, but usually the only people involved were her family members and even then, she tried to keep her trouble to herself.

Instead of finding Jeff, like she knew she should, she was distracting herself with the task of moving her things into the hut she and Marshall had moved to. The Compound had been nice enough, but she wanted a real door, something that could afford her a bit of privacy when she needed it. Not to mention that she'd missed natural light. The place was still sort of a mess, half her clothes on the floor and the furniture was pretty pathetic, but she was sure they could fix it up.

It didn't have marble counters or a heated pool, but it would be okay.

She was heading down the boardwalk with an armful of things when she spotted Hermione. "Hey!" she called, peering over the top of the pile, trying to balance the photo album from Alice in her arms. Hermione, at least, hadn't witnessed her shit fit from the rave and hopefully she didn't know about the whole night in jail thing either.

"Do you think you could give me a hand?" she asked, offering the other girl a grin. "This is the last trip, I swear I'm not trying to rope you into helping me move all my crap."

Comments

[cleverness]

Hermione hadn't been to very many parties in her life, and even less of the sort that usually tended to crop up around the island, but a simple taste of everything that went on at such gatherings was already more than enough to have her know that they weren't intended to cater to personalities like hers. Still, she'd gone to the waterfall like most of the other teenagers on the island, mostly because Harry had been in such a poor state of mind that he needed his best friends there, whether or not he realized it. If he allowed himself to forget everything, all of the sadness washing away in a moment of euphoria, there still needed to be someone to guide him home at last. And Hermione had resolved to be just that person, if it was needed.

As a result, being one of the very few completely sober attendees of the rave, she'd discovered that she came out the next morning remembering much more of everything that had transpired than most, even in spite of the physical distance that she'd held from the crowd. She knew which people had a hard time returning home (and had even helped some on her own), she new which people got into fights.

And she knew that Kate had played a little too much with fire.

It wasn't the type of topic easily breached, however, and so Hermione decided to take things one step at a time, rushing over to help Kate and lifting some of the items from her load. "Oh of course, it's no trouble at all," she grinned, shaking her head. "If you ever need a hand, I'm more than happy to provide it. And I trust you'd be one of relatively few people who wouldn't take advantage of that."

[everyone_takes]

It was probably better that Hermione didn't think of her as the type of person to take advantage, but Kate knew she was. It always came back to that, no matter what happened, no matter how people tried to prove her wrong. Everyone's a taker. Every thing's a thing. That didn't exclude Kate, she knew she was just as bad, if not worse, than most other people.

For a moment, though, she could believe she wasn't like that. If Hermione didn't think she was, then for right now she didn't have to be.

"Thank you," she said with an exaggerated groan, though the load wasn't that heavy at all. "Marshall and I got this hut and now I know why my parents lived in that same house for like, ever. Moving is such a pain in the ass." But the hut afforded more privacy, which Kate liked, especially now that she would need it more often. And Marshall could actually bring people home, too, instead of taking off to their rooms because there would be a full wall between them instead of just a sheet. "It's not far. Like, two minutes."

She was realizing, suddenly, that even if Hermione didn't know about the overnight jail stint, she'd probably noticed that Harry hadn't come home after the rave. And Kate was responsible for that, too, although it was a lot better than being responsible for nearly lighting something on fire.

[cleverness]

"You should have come to me earlier, I'm sure that the Council could have come up with a few hands to help you get situated in no time at all. Actually, I'm fairly certain that the Building Crew would be more than willing to help. Which is less to say that it's part of their job description in the slightest, and more that the group is so lovely and generous on the whole. And, naturally, quite strong," Hermione replied, her expression pleased as she thought of all the people on the island who chose to give their time, effort, and services without a word of complaint, without expecting a single penny (or island equivalent) in return. "Although, now that I think about it... it wouldn't hurt if we actually had a designated group for people to go to for moving services."

Her gaze grew distant before she shook her head quickly, resolving not to bore Kate with the rather frequent thoughts she had regarding the way that the island functioned, both the land itself and the services people provided on it. Considering how small the group was, it was truly rather remarkable that they managed to cover so much, without everyone even volunteering on a regular basis.

But she'd always felt that the island tended towards picking remarkable people, after all.

"I shouldn't bore you with talk of labor, though," Hermione went on, eyes narrowing lightly as a hesitant smile toyed at her lips. "At least, I have the impression that your life's been much more interesting as of late than my own."

[everyone_takes]

Looking guilty, Kate glanced over at Hermione, trying to read her expression. There were a few things she could have meant, between jail and Harry, and Kate didn't want to start talking about her recent desire to light things on fire if that wasn't what Hermione was referring to. After a moment, though, she sighed, bordering on dramatic, and asked, "Jail time or Harry not coming home?"

Maybe she didn't want the whole island to know, but this was Hermione. If she didn't tell her now, she was sure Harry might mention it. She hadn't asked him to keep it quiet and there wasn't anything to be embarrassed about, anyway. It had been stupid, she knew that, but she'd been so stoned that she hadn't known what she was doing. Not the best excuse, but still sort of a reason.

Besides, Hermione didn't look pissed. So if it was about the bookshelf, at least Kate thought she might escape another lecture about it. She'd heard a few now, from the cop, of course, but also something that sort of resembled a lecture coming from Jeff, of all people. On the other hand, maybe Hermione hadn't known about it at all. Maybe she'd only been referring to Harry, in which case Kate hoped she ignored the bit about jail time.

[cleverness]

She couldn't quite smile fully, although the temptation was there. Mostly, she didn't want to encourage such activities, although certainly, Hermione hoped that the consequences were enough to keep Kate from ever trying again. Kate didn't seem like a foolish girl. If anything, she seemed smarter and more sensible than most girls Hermione knew, even if she could also spot the rebellious streak from a thousand miles away— it was something that Hermione believed attracted Harry, in fact, although she couldn't say for sure and hadn't talked to Harry at length about the relationship. But even looking at the aspects of Ginny that Harry noticed most, it was the confidence, the ability to toss other people's words over a shoulder if they didn't fit or chafed. There was Effy Stonem, too, who Hermione had never meaningfully met, but to call her conventionally feminine wouldn't have been right.

Hermione didn't want to stamp it out, of course. Often, she lived envying the fact that other girls felt they could be so free with their actions. But maybe it needed to be directed down a different path.

"I was thinking... both, actually," Hermione replied with a nod of her head. "I know what happened with the former, and I suppose all I have to say about that is to hope that it doesn't happen again, or to ask you if there was something other than the substances you took which compelled you to try and burn down the bookshelf. With the latter, I... don't really know where to begin." She offered a helpless grin. "I'm not trying to to lecture so much as understand."

[everyone_takes]

Mostly, the drugs were responsible, but there had been other reasons. It was difficult to explain it sometimes, even to Marshall, who understood better than anyone what it was like to live with their mother and the frustrations that nothing seemed to help her. Doctors could promise the world, medications that pushed the alters down or therapy that would help Tara discover the whys, but it seemed like she always ended up having to do it on her own.

It would be a hell of a lot easier to talk about sex, but Kate doubted Hermione would leave it at that, and she didn't like the idea of lying to the other girl either. There were things worth lying about. This wasn't one of them.

"My mom is sick," she said, seeing the top of their new hut peek through the trees. Concentrating on that meant she didn't have to look at Hermione while she said any of this. "Not like, terminally ill or anything, but she has a mental illness called DID. It basically means that something bad happened to her a long time ago and to protect herself, her mind split into a bunch of different pieces, so now she's other people when she gets stressed out. And no one's ever been able to help her. Ever. And the bookshelf was just giving me all this shit about how to help and what kinds of therapy she should be doing and none of it ever worked, so... I got pissed." Which was sort of a lame excuse, but it was the only one she had.

[cleverness]

It wasn't the answer that Hermione expected, but perhaps that only made her feel all the more sure about how she'd chosen to look into what Kate had been feeling in those few days. There was the slightest twinge of guilt, one that told her that she should have asked about Kate's family earlier, and that she should have done her best to learn about her friend and every burden that she had carried from home to the island. But how was she to know? As selfish and self-centered as it seemed in retrospect, Hermione knew that with everything that had happened in her own world, that she would forget to ask about another was only natural. What she and Harry and Ron had experienced in their time wasn't something that they could expect others to understand.

But what Kate had been through, too, was an entirely different type of burden. And frankly, Hermione didn't know that it was any lighter to bear.

"I've... heard of something like that before. Admittedly, I don't know much about mental illnesses, but you hear the term multiple personality disorder thrown around quite a bit, so." She winced, wishing that she'd done more to look into the subject at the time, in spite of knowing that it wouldn't have been the top of her priorities at any point in the past seven years. "I don't know if the two are at all similar, but I'm so sorry, Kate, I had no idea."

[everyone_takes]

"Same thing," Kate said, looking at Hermione with a faint smile. "It used to be called MPD, now it's DID. Dissociative Identity Disorder." But it was the same. No matter what they changed the name to, it all meant that Kate's mom sometimes wasn't Kate's mom. That sometimes she was a teenager and sometimes she was a shrink and sometimes she was a war veteran with a bigger porn and gun collection than Kate had ever seen.

"But it's not a big deal," she added, heading up the steps of her new home and pushing the door open with her hip, holding it for Hermione. "I mean, she's been that way my whole life, it's not something that anyone has to be sorry about." That it had sucked, she wouldn't deny, and if it wasn't a bit of a sore spot, she probably wouldn't have tried to burn down the bookshelf, but she wasn't embarrassed by it either.

"That photo album you're carrying has pictures of most of them," she said, setting down her load on the bed in her room. "My mom, Alice, Buck and T. There were some new ones before I came here, though. Ones I just found out about."

[cleverness]

"Ah," Hermione nodded, brows furrowing as she tried to reason out the purpose of such a change in nomenclature. Dissociative Identity seemed to be far more specific, even in name alone. The idea that one's very perception and memory could be so fractured in a way that made various different people altogether within one single body, rather than merely being a shift of mood or personality. "I suppose they wanted to make it clear that it's not merely a mood swing, or different emotions as applied to a single person." Even voicing those words alone felt callous enough, and so Hermione quickly quieted down after, carefully setting down the items she'd helped carry and taking care not to damage any single one.

"It just sounds like... such a burden," Hermione murmured, wrapping her arms tightly around herself, hair falling in loose tendrils that framed her face. "Which is not to say that I think you or your family aren't capable of handling it, but it's one of those things that's unfair. That you wish good people wouldn't have to cope with."

Her gaze lingered on the photo album before she looked up again, gaze hesitant. "Do you mind if I... take a look? If you'd rather not, I won't be offended in the least."

[everyone_takes]

"Go ahead," Kate answered, dumping some of her things onto Marshall's bed. She'd make sure to move it before he came home, but for now, she needed the room. Somehow, in just a year on the island, she'd managed to gather a whole bunch of things, most things she didn't even use half the time. It was a lot like being back in Kansas, in that sense, her bedroom filled with things she didn't need.

"One of my mom's alters made it for me," she said, turning back to Hermione and sitting on the bed, nodding at the album. "She was super pissed at me, she like, attacked me in this restaurant bathroom and tried to wash my mouth out with soap." Remembering that still bugged her a little, like Alice might pop out somewhere, but without her mother, and she'd want everything to be her way. "I think it was her way of saying she was sorry. She said some pretty shitty things about me."

Some of them had hurt Kate a lot, even if she'd never admit it. But she'd also grown up a lot since then -- not past trying to light things on fire, apparently -- and she knew that her mom didn't think those things that Alice said.

[cleverness]

Hermione's brow furrowed at the story, both curious and disturbed at once. It was no wonder that such a mental illness was so taboo, she thought to herself. How were people expected to simply believe that an alter wasn't some type of manifestation of a person's true emotions? How were people supposed to understand the disconnect between the personalities, rather than simply see them as moods, or as an excuse to behave in a way that a person wouldn't have felt free to, otherwise? Already, she was resolving to find as many texts on the illness if she could, if it wouldn't overly upset Kate in the process, wanting to know what type of cause or series of pressures would result in that sort of outcome. Carefully and wordlessly, she thumbed through the album, fingers lightly grazing over that same face in each photo.

Same face being, of course, a bit generous. The expressions each persona wore seemed so different that it took a careful eye to recognize that the bone structure in each was the same, the color of the hair identical.

"They're... truly different people," she marveled, though her voice was heavy and sobered. "I'm glad that the, erm, the alter apologized. Your mother has no recollection of what happens when she's under the control of a different identity, does she?"

[everyone_takes]

"Most of the time she doesn't," Kate answered, looking at a picture of Buck, holding his gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. "That's Buck and Persephone. He named his gun."

She looked at the picture for a moment, smiling fondly. Most of the time she missed her mother, missed Tara, but there were times when she wanted Buck or T or, not that she'd admit it, even Alice. The raves would totally be T's scene, the drugs and the lights and all the sex. Buck would probably try to start a gun club and Alice would have been a great addition to the island bakery.

"There's this things called co-consciousness," she said slowly. "I don't know a lot about it, because it's never been something she had a lot of, but lately she'd mentioned it. It's like when you're not there, it's one of the alters, but you're aware of what's going on anyway. It's supposed to be a good sign, like some kind of break through." But in the end, her mom still didn't even know what had caused the split, so Kate wasn't sure what kind of break through it could be.

[cleverness]

Hermione bit down on her thumbnail as she perused through the pages, pausing for a longer amount of time on Buck's portrait. Out of all of the alters, he seemed to be the one who contrasted most with the others, the one who couldn't be attributed to a night dedicated to reliving one's past, or couldn't be brushed off as a woman dressed in her Sunday nines. "Persephone," Hermione repeated with a soft and incredulous laugh. "I wasn't aware that people even named their guns, but I suppose... if you have such a great attachment to any tool, it can take up a life of its own."

Pulling her legs onto the bed, Hermione let out a quiet exhale, pausing in her perusal of the album. "You know, I'd always known that stress could affect people in any number of ways, but I'd never really stopped to consider the implications, over the years. I don't know how much of it's really my story to tell, but ever since I entered Hogwarts— the school I ended from age eleven forward— there was always something that seemed more pressing or immediate," she considered, tilting her head. "It seems that no matter how quickly I tried to learn back then, there's still so much more out there to understand. So much that we, as a group, don't yet."

[everyone_takes]

At that, Kate smiled a little, lifting one shoulder in a slight shrug. There was no sense kidding herself; for all the things she had going for her, Marshall was the smart one in the family. Maybe that was why it was easy for Kate to see that Hermione was right. There was so much left to learn, all sorts of things people might never understand, no matter how hard they tried.

And it was that thought that had sent her to the bookshelf with matches. That knowledge that Tara might be sick forever, no matter what anyone did.

"I think that's what some people consider the fun part of life," she pointed out, flipping over onto her stomach, her chin in her hands. "People can learn forever. And even if someone reads all the books in the world, they still can't know everything." It was both frustrating and fascinating, the knowledge that some things just had to be faced in order to be understood.

[cleverness]

"Oh, believe me," Hermione replied with a soft, breathless laugh. "I'd be the last person to argue against the fact that having such a complex and varied world has its advantages. It certainly keeps any of us from being... bored, I suppose. We can engage with any part of the world, be it people, places, creatures, and literally never come to an end of things to learn and explore. That has its own beauty." Her lips quirked a bit wryly, knowing how certain people would have accused her of overthinking it all, of being too enamored with academia. Her own two best friends didn't share the same fervor for class, and likely never would.

Glancing up again, she shrugged lightly. "But at the same time, that's daunting, isn't it? Especially when all you really want to know is the answer to some small question, some matter so minute when placed against the vast nature of the universe, and yet still can never seem to learn enough." Her gaze brushed down again. "I don't blame you at all for being frustrated."

[everyone_takes]

"So I'm forgiven for trying to burn down the bookshelf?" Kate asked with a grin. Although she was trying to make light of it, there was something a little serious in the question. Most of the time she genuinely didn't care what people thought of her, but she wanted certain people to like her, too. It was stupid that it was important to her, but it was, even if she'd never say it.

"I thought Jeff was gonna kill me," she admitted. "He had no idea what to do, he was just like, flailing." He hadn't flailed at all, but he certainly hadn't known what to do either and Kate couldn't help but be a little amused by that. Giving Jeff a hard time was always a little bit of fun, yet she'd been a little worried about that, too. There was all sorts of stupid shit she could do to test people, but eventually, they'd get sick of it. Eventually they'd take off.

"But besides that, it was a pretty good night," she said. "I mean, jail time aside, it wasn't so bad."

[cleverness]

"Yes, you're forgiven," Hermione exhaled, a fond sigh, exaggerated and tolerant. She still felt, admittedly, rather uncomfortable at the idea of diving into drugs which impaired one's judgment so thoroughly— but as her regular scolding of both Harry and Ron never seemed to land in this respect, she didn't quite feel enough inclination to pass on the advice to those who were probably much better at limiting themselves. (With the occasional, island-triggered exception.) "Granted it's easier for me to do after the fact, seeing as how no one was really harmed. I'm sure that I'd feel a little differently, were I in Jeff's position."

Her lips curved into a smile, gaze falling to the ground. "But believe me, I've done my share of reckless things, especially in the heat of the moment." A touch of mischief lingered in her eyes as she looked up again. "Though I'm not sure very many have involved keeping someone else's roommate away for the night."

[everyone_takes]

Laughing, Kate shrugged a little, looking at the bed spread as if it happened to be the most fascinating thing in the world. It wasn't that she was embarrassed at all -- it wasn't exactly her first time and she was plenty comfortable talking about sex -- but it was something other than that, something she couldn't place. Maybe because the whole thing with Harry was bigger than anything else she'd had with any other guy, something she'd miss if she fucked it up.

"That's only because you live with your boyfriend," she pointed out in return, her lips curving up into a smirk. "So you don't have to worry about keeping him out all night. But now that you've said that, I totally need to hear about these reckless things you've done in the heat of the moment. Sounds pretty awesome." She was teasing, but only a little. There was something about Hermione that made Kate believe she was completely capable of doing something reckless in the right situation.

[cleverness]

Somehow, the look explained more than Hermione suspected words ever could. It was an expression that couldn't be easily feigned, sentiment shown that couldn't be pulled out of thin air. Hermione had never had any reason to believe that Kate was leading Harry on, that her intentions were any less sure than a typical teenage girl's were— but still, with Harry being her best friend, Hermione couldn't help but be cautious. Overprotective, probably. And to see that Kate felt shy over the matter had Hermione beaming, even as a slightly mortified flush rose to her cheeks as well at the mention of living with Ron.

"Oh, Merlin," Hermione laughed nervously, shaking her head. "Ron and I don't— I mean, living in the hut isn't... we don't really do anything there, not after the first time went, went completely wrong. Er." Wrinkling her nose, she bit down on her lower lip, taking a deep breath through her nose.

"Anyway, most of the reckless things I've done involve spells. Rule-breaking at school. All for a greater purpose, of course— except, perhaps, for the time I punched Draco Malfoy in the nose." She pressed a hand to her forehead, trying to stifle her giggles. Something told her that of all the people she could recount that particular story to, Kate probably wouldn't judge.

[everyone_takes]

"Oh my god," Kate said, sitting up again, crossing her legs under her body as she grinned at Hermione. "I don't even know which story I want to hear first." Because they both had definite promise and now that she was thinking about it, Kate could totally imagine Hermione punching someone in the nose if it was necessary. Somehow, that made her about ten times cooler, especially since it was sort of unexpected.

But on the other hand, she'd mentioned the first time going completely wrong and Kate was sure she had to hear that story, too.

"I feel like the punching story needs to be first," she decided, laughing. "Because... man, sometimes I just really want to punch a person in the face, but you've actually done it." Gene probably could have done with a good punch in the face and Ben... well, Buck had taken care of that for her.

[cleverness]

"I am really unsure that you'd want to hear the former at all, it's, it's really quite mortifying," Hermione groaned, shaking her head with a laugh and pressing her forehead into the palm of her hand. Even now, she could still feel the flush rising to her cheeks, hot and embarrassed. The three friends had always shared a great deal between one another, but there were certain lines that simply weren't meant to be crossed. She wasn't sure if the boys had talked any further about it between themselves, but for her part, Hermione had never bothered to bring up the incident to Harry again from the next morning forward. With a small noise of protest in her throat, she pulled herself back up again, taking a breath and thinking back to earlier years.

"But as for punching, well. Have you met Draco Malfoy at all? He's on the island, light blond hair, pale, fairly thin in build," she described, resting her hands on her lap. "Growing up, he had the tendency to refer to me by a term that was really quite offensive. Mudblood, meaning impure or dirty blood, used to refer to wizards and witches who haven't descended from magic. The first time he'd thrown that name my way, I was a bit surprised, though I wasn't half as familiar with it as people actually born into the community, which I suppose is the worst part of it all. But with each repetition over the years, I grew more frustrated, until once, I... you know, he was being a jerk, and I punched him in the nose. It was quite gratifying."

[everyone_takes]

As far as she could remember, Kate had never met him, but he did sound familiar. She knew, though, that it could be due to the fact that they'd all been famous back home, their faces all over the local movie theatres every few years and although Kate had never seen the movies, it was sort of hard to avoid that entirely.

"Nice," she said, laughing. "That's seriously awesome." And it sounded like it was well deserved. Kate had never punched a guy, but she certainly knew a few who deserved it, even though it didn't seem to do much about changing a person.

"But, come on, what happened with you and Ron?" she asked, trying to imagine all the things that could go wrong the first time someone had sex. There were plenty of things she could come up with, now that she was thinking about it, but none of them were the end of the world. "It can't be that bad."

[cleverness]

Immediately groaning, Hermione let out a hopeless laugh before burying her face in her hands, feeling her entire face light up in a flush, biting heavily down on her lower lip with the embarrassment. Of all the people Hermione could see herself telling, Kate was certainly at the top of the list. (Though Hermione had known Ginny for longer, the topic was... well, to call it inappropriate would have been an understatement, to say the very least.) When she emerged again, it was only to let her gaze rise above the curve of her knees, fingers tightly gripping there until her knuckles grew pale.

"It was... well, it was all going fine, honestly," Hermione began with a soft sigh, fidgeting with her hands. "Neither of us knew what we were doing, really, but that was fine, it made everything— it made everything easier, almost, knowing that you could lower expectations without there being any judgment. But right as... we were actually starting to understand the, the mechanics of it all."

Her face lowered again, cheeks uncomfortably warm as she pressed her forehead to her knees. "Harry walked in on the both of us," she confessed, voice sounding like a squeak.

[everyone_takes]

For a moment, Kate just watched Hermione, her eyes growing wider, a smile twitching at the corners of her mouth as she tried to bite it back. It wasn't the sort of thing she was supposed to laugh at, she figured, but it was also kind of impossible not to find it at least a little bit funny. The whole thing was funnier still, knowing that Harry hadn't breathed a word of it to her himself, probably trying to forget that it had ever happened.

"Oh, my god," she burst out finally, then clapped both her hands over her mouth, eyes widening further as she muffled her giggles as best she could. "I'm sorry," she said, the words coming through cracks between her fingers. "I'm sorry, it's totally not funny, but..." But it was. And it made a hell of a story for them to tell down the road, when it was less fresh and everyone could laugh about it.

For a second, Kate tried to picture Ron's face in such a situation, then dissolved into giggles again. "Tell me it hasn't freaked him out so much that he's not gonna try it again," she said, finally getting a hold of herself and looking up at Hermione. "Because dudes can be weird about shit like that."

[cleverness]

Groaning as soon as Kate began laughing, Hermione chanced a look up at the other girl before she wound up burying her face more insistently against her knees after all, a soft whine slipping from her lips. Of course, that was the proper reaction, wasn't it? The accident was just that, an accident, no one's fault in particular, and lamenting wasn't going to get anything done. Wasn't going to help patch the strain in any of the relationships. Still, to be laughed at on the one occasion Hermione had actually tried to help things get started in that area was an experience which left her rather gun-shy.

"Oh no, no, you have it all wrong," Hermione lamented, emerging again and unable to stifle a laugh in spite of herself, though her face remained completely flushed and her eyes began tearing up with the effort it took to keep everything down. "He's wanted to... try again, but I'm the one having difficulty— I mean— it's just rather hard to be interested with so much else happening, and doubly so when your immediate impulse is to look up and ensure for the hundredth time that you've locked the door."

[everyone_takes]

"Then what we're gonna do is plan to keep Harry away from the hut for a full night," Kate answered simply, dropping her knees so she could look at Hermione. There were a ton of reasons she could find to do that, reasons she was sure he would be on board with, even if she just flat out told him that they were keeping him away to give Ron and Hermione a chance to be alone. That wasn't the sort of thing a friend got upset about, she figured, even if he didn't want to talk about what had happened.

"And you have my word, I won't let him go home," she promised. "Because if you're always looking at the door, you're right, you're not interested in what's happening and then it's not gonna be much fun. And, trust me, sex is fun." There was still that part of Kate that didn't really get why adults put so much emphasis on it, like it was the only thing that could make or break a relationship, but it was still fun, she couldn't deny that.

[cleverness]

"Oh Merlin, you don't have to do that," Hermione insisted, even as she felt a laugh hovering in her chest, just waiting to surface. While she had no doubt in her mind that Kate would certainly be fully willing to be the person who kept Harry away whenever Ron and Hermione wanted a bit of privacy, it was the very thought of turning to someone for that at all which made the flush on Hermione's cheeks linger as strongly as it had before. "I do appreciate it, but I would hardly want to trouble either yourself or Harry in that way. If anything, it was simply inconsiderate of me and Ron to... to assume we had the hut to ourselves. We could've always gone elsewhere."

Rubbing her palm against her cheek, Hermione took a deep breath, steeling her nerves. "Besides which, I don't... realy know about sex being fun. I didn't mind it, and I think— well, naturally, it's the next progression in the relationship, but it actually rather hurt, so I suppose I'm not the most eager to have at it again."

[everyone_takes]

"That'll go away eventually," Kate answered, waving her hand. "Promise. Your body gets used to it and after awhile it doesn't even hurt at all anymore. It's just... fun." And it felt good and it was sort of weird, because she'd always been using sex as a way to get close to guys who weren't good for her, but now it actually made her feel close to someone. That was unexpected, but not in a bad way.

"And it's just gonna hurt every time if you're not relaxed," she continued. "Which you won't be if you're worrying about Harry bursting through the door." Though she doubted he'd do that again. Even if Ron and Hermione weren't around, she sort of thought Harry might knock on every door in the hut just to be safe.

Kate paused for a moment, thinking Alice, of the words she'd said in that Barnabeez bathroom, how Alice had washed her mouth out with soap. It wasn't often that she admitted it, even to herself, but Kate had doubted herself in that bathroom. She'd been furious and disgusted, but she'd doubted herself, too. She'd felt, for a little while, like maybe Alice was right. Maybe liking sex made her a slut.

"Don't let anyone say you're not supposed to like it eventually either," she said suddenly. "Don't let anyone make you feel bad when you do like it. There's nothing wrong with that."

[cleverness]

"Lovely," Hermione breathed, voice barely above a whisper as Kate made it clear that her first time, or her first few attempts, were undoubtedly going to hurt. This was the type of talk that she should have been having with her own mother, Hermione thought to herself, not without a slight melancholy settling over her at the thought. Her mother, who was hopefully safe and sound in Australia, whose memories she wasn't sure if she could restore. That had been the weightiest decision of them all. A part of her had been sorely tempted to escape, to use all her means to whisk the entire family away. She could have. She could have, had she been willing to distance herself from Harry, from Ron, from the people whose families and influence spread too far to vanish without a trace. She could have spent the rest of her days growing old, wandering from city to city, always escaping the scrutiny of muggles with a flick of a wand here or there.

But she'd chosen her friends, chosen not to abandon them, chosen a path where the forgotten memories were just inevitable collateral, and at least, never lost to Hermione herself. She heaved a sigh, quiet. It didn't have anything to do with Ron, not really, yet she couldn't help the momentary loneliness that pained her, driving through her chest, leaving it hard to breathe. Fortunately— although, perhaps, not for her— Kate spoke up again then, and Hermione listened, raising an eyebrow at the end.

"I'm... sure that if we weren't supposed to like it, then a much greater portion of the human race would avoid settling down and getting married. Why would anyone say that there's something wrong with having intercourse? It's a personal decision, and... frankly, our bodies and internal chemistry are made to enjoy such activities."

[everyone_takes]

"Tell that to Alice, the happy fifties housewife version of my mother," Kate answered dryly, as she gestured vaguely at the photo album. Of course Alice had been the one to make something like that for her, because Alice always had the most to apologize for. T might terrorize Marshall and Buck made life hard for her dad, but Alice was always the one that Kate had the most trouble with.

"She only made that album to apologize for basically calling me a slut," she said, even though Alice had never actually used that word. There had been others, though, words that had hurt a lot and then there had been the soap. It was all pretty distant now, but she still remembered it sometimes. And it still stung. Kate knew it wasn't her mother calling her those things, that Tara never would have done any of that, but it was still hard to separate things when Alice looked so much like her.

"It felt really shitty," she admitted. "Don't let anyone make you feel that way. They're wrong."

[cleverness]

Hermione wasn't, on the whole, a naive person. She understood full well that there were plenty of parents in the world who weren't entirely kind to their children, who criticized them more than they were due, and she knew that there must have been some people in the world who were so spoken to by their parents even without another identity to hide behind and explain the change in demeanor. She understood that, but it didn't make it any easier to absorb, her brows furrowing at Kate's description, her head lightly shaking.

"I'm glad she apologized," Hermione said then, firm, brokering no argument. "Because that's... it's absolutely unreasonable, truly. I've always felt that so long as what a person does in their spare time doesn't negatively impact the lives of those around them, then it's their choice whether or not they want to engage in the activity, and we shouldn't judge them for it. I'm very sorry that you had to cope with that. She's wrong, of course."

[everyone_takes]

"Totally wrong," Kate agreed, though the older she got, the more she could understand why her mom had been so stressed out about the whole thing. Fifteen was fairly young, after all, but at least she hadn't been stupid about it. Not entirely stupid, anyway. The morning after pill sort of counted as thinking things through. Even if she'd been young and hadn't been that smart about it, sleeping with one guy didn't make her a slut.

With a shake of her head, she smiled, refusing to dwell on the past like that. It had happened three years ago. Alice wasn't here to make her feel shitty anymore, and besides that, there was nothing she could even bitch about anymore. Kate was taking classes and she was in a totally normal relationship. There was the thing with the bookshelf, of course, but she wasn't going to do that again.

"Whatever, doesn't matter now," she said. "But, seriously, it'll be okay. If you give it a bit of time, it'll start being fun."

[cleverness]

"I suppose I'll just have to keep my chin up, then," Hermione replied, before dissolving into a few more laughs, shaking her head at how ridiculous it must have sounded for her to get so worked up over the matter of sex. At her age, at the point where she and Ron were in her relationship, it was only a natural step to consider, not something that she cared to entirely turn away the possibility of. But for a young woman who had a tendency to overthink practically all decisions in her life, it was still rather daunting to face, and not for the first time, Hermione wished that she had the natural ease and grace that Kate seemed to be blessed with.

"I'm sure that I sound ridiculous right now, it's just that... none of us really had the time to consider things like this, prior to arriving here on the island. Or, well." She tilted her head, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. "When Ronald was dating his previous girlfriend, who knows what they might've gotten up to. I made a point of not involving myself with that. But between the threat of war and, for myself personally, the endless coursework, there just wasn't time. I'm glad that there's more freedom here for us to gain that experience, but it doesn't feel like an entirely natural transition to me anymore, if that makes sense. The personal knowledge doesn't align well with experience anymore."

[everyone_takes]

With a nod, Kate stretched her legs out, leaning forward as she listened to Hermione. It wasn't the same type of life she'd led at all and it wasn't something she could really understand, but it made sense to her. She could imagine something like a big war might be more important than worrying about what your boyfriend might want you to do next weekend.

"Harry told me a bit about the war," she said. Sometimes it was still difficult to believe people she knew, people her age had gone through things like that. In Kansas, nothing had gotten much more dramatic than Buck sleeping with Pammy and while that had sucked, it wasn't even remotely on the same level. Teenagers weren't supposed to do things like that. They weren't supposed to have to fight or die.

"But I can see how that'd be sort of distracting," she continued with a small smile, even though there wasn't anything funny about it at all. The very thought of it still scared her a bit, but she didn't want to say that. Not even to Hermione. There was something childish about it, something silly. Kate could talk about sex for hours, but war and death... that was too much.

[cleverness]

Sometimes, Hermione was the exact opposite of perceptive. It happened most often when she was caught in a train of thought, when she was learning, reviewing, everything shaped with a goal in mind that she did her best to reach. On the island, idle conversations like these helped to breach the gap that had been built after so many years in Hogwarts. No longer stuck all day with a nose practically pressed against parchment, Hermione had been given the opportunity to meet people of all backgrounds, interests, and abilities alike. She glanced at Kate again, with no small amount of gratitude over the fact that the island had seen fit to give them each other, two girls that probably would never have walked the same circles in a single world. The smaller the population size, Hermione thought to herself, somehow the more likely it became that she met people of a sort she'd never interacted with before. Those who didn't care about studies. Who didn't care about honor. Who saw no merit in being brave.

There were things to learn from each one of those peoples, and from those like Kate, and for that along, Hermione had reason to be thankful enough.

But more than that, she simply felt blessed by the friendship alone, and so with that closer eye on Kate, she began to worry, seeing a few signs of stress and unease.

"Sorry," she apologized quickly. "I'm sorry, that wasn't... exactly a good topic for casual conversation, was it? I don't know how much Harry's told you, I didn't mean to push any further than either of you might be comfortable with."

[everyone_takes]

"No, it's not... it's not that," Kate said, still leaning against her legs as she tried to think of how to explain to Hermione what it was. Because they were friends, she wanted Hermione to be able to tell her things, even things that she herself wouldn't have had any sort of experience with, but there was something undeniably unsettling about the idea of war. It made her think of Harry dying, which made her think of Lionel dying and then she could only think of Marshall and how teenagers weren't supposed to ever be in danger like that.

But that was just stupid, wishful thinking. People were in danger every day.

"Harry told me about... dying," she said slowly. "It's just sort of... it freaks me out." There was a lot of shit she could take, she knew, a lot of things she'd already dealt with, but death made everything real in a very different way. "You don't ever think about people your age dying. I mean, I didn't, anyway."

[cleverness]

Hermione nodded in understanding, feeling her heart tighten in her chest at the very reminder of it. There were days now that she woke up without nightmares. Woke up expecting that she'd hear the distant crash of waves, the sound of the wind blowing overhead, the warmth of the island resting against her skin and the steady breathing of Ron on the other side of the bed. But there were also still days when she expected to wake up cold, to wake up with an unnatural silence around her, as drawn by a spell. Or, worse still, to wake up to the dark and dank of Malfoy Manor, to the tinny laughter which spread through the halls.

If someone who had been exposed to such dangers for years already still found herself waking up to the unease, to a stomach knotted in turns, how could they expect anyone else not to be unsettled?

"We didn't either," Hermione replied softly, once she'd found her words, a smile still ghosting her lips. "We'd come to terms with it in the last year, after finally looking at our lives and seeing all the danger that we'd been put in, year after year, and after hearing a prophecy that didn't seem to favor Harry's chances. But you know, most of our lives, though we'd always faced these kinds of dangers, we never really thought that anything of that level would happen to us. We were children, you know. Even when everything seems hopeless, if it turns out right, you start believing that at some point down the road, things will be okay again, no matter what."

She shrugged, though the movement was stiff. "I don't blame you for finding it unnerving. It's nothing that children, or... or people our age should have been involved in, really."

[everyone_takes]

Home had been hard, there was no denying that, but Kate would have taken it any day over the things that Hermione and the others had gone through. At least she was aware enough to know that, to know she'd had it relatively easy in comparison. There was nothing Alice could do that would put her in that much danger. Even when her mom was convinced she'd done the worst thing in the world, at least both her kids had still been alive.

"I guess no one expects stuff like that," she said, frowning a little. Even when you were immersed in it, it had to be scary, she figured. All that stuff happening around you, happening to you. "You don't see a lot of death in Overland Park. Not even a lot of violence. Our neighbour killed himself, but that was pretty much the scariest thing to ever happen around us."

There was Lionel's death, of course, but she hadn't been there for it. Hearing about it second hand was still scary, still something she didn't like thinking about very much, most especially because he was here now. Here and alive and in tact.

[cleverness]

"My family certainly wasn't expecting it either," Hermione empathized, her words quiet, and not begrudging in the slightest. Although she was sure that her own battles had been just as difficult, in their own way, as the personal struggles that Kate had in her household, Hermione wasn't in the habit of drawing comparisons. All that she ever wanted was to understand, as much as it was possible to, the positions that other people came from, Kate herself very much included. "We lived in a very standard neighborhood. If anything, it was safer than most. My parents were both dentists, you see, so we never really wanted for income, and we were able to live in a nice area. But... war crept up on us, and we never would have known, had it not been for the fact that I had magic."

Rubbing the back of her neck with her hand, Hermione shook her head. "And, I don't know, it wasn't... something that I wanted them to grapple with any further than they had to. So, as soon as I was old enough to legally make my own way, and as soon as the war grew to be too imminent, I." She paused, biting down on her lower lip. "I had their memories altered so that they'd move to Australia, just until, just until I'd be able to come back, safe from the war. It's just not something anyone should have to be saddled with, least of all when there's nothing that one can offer to the cause."

[everyone_takes]

"Memories altered?" Kate asked, a frown creasing her forehead, pulling her brows together. Although Hermione hadn't said it specifically, it sort of sounded like she'd made them... forget her somehow. Or at least not worry about bringing her with them if they moved to Australia and while Kate didn't know much about what it took to be a parent, she knew her own parents never would have left either of their kids behind if something like that was happening. Not if they knew they were doing it. Which she thought meant she was probably right.

"They didn't... they didn't know they were leaving you, did they?" she asked, even though it was a scary question to ask. The other question was What if you hadn't come back? but she couldn't bring herself to voice those words. That part was done, the war was over, as far as Harry had told her, which meant Hermione could go back to her parents.

[cleverness]

"We're capable of altering memories. Or, well, wizards and witches who have the... skill for it, at least. It's not something easily practiced," Hermione explained quietly, hands fidgeting in her lap, hoping that she wasn't delving too deep into the detalis; the last thing that she wanted to do was to unnerve Kate in any way. Yet, it felt like once the story had gotten underway, Hermione was helpless to keep herself from recounting it all, as though stopping would have done everything an injustice. Would have been disrespectful to the experiences all of them had shared. "Especially considering what one would have to do in order to practice."

Her gaze briefly flickered up. "But I knew that I couldn't have my parents following me just in an effort to keep me safe, and I knew that I couldn't pull myself out of the war, not when Harry and Ron were headed into the thick of it, so I erased all my parents' memories of me. That way, if we hadn't been successful, they would still live full lives. I'm sure they'd be livid with me, if I ever managed to find and reverse the spell."

[everyone_takes]

"Jesus," Kate said on a sigh before she smiled slightly. "Yeah, I can guess they would've been pretty pissed." She couldn't imagine what any parent would really do in a situation like that. What she did know was that if she'd had the ability to do something like that, her mother might've turned into Buck or T for weeks on end instead of just a few hours.

But no matter how pissed they might have been, Kate could understand why Hermione had done it. Without those memories, they would have been in much less danger. Hermione would have been in less danger, too, she figured. "That must've been tough," she said. "You must miss them, huh?" Though she tried not to talk about it much, Kate missed her parents, but at least she had the comfort of knowing they remembered her.

[cleverness]

"As much as any child would a pair of loving parents," Hermione replied, her lips set and tone realistic, if slightly defeated. She'd dwelled on it any number of weeks while on the island, the thought of eventually reuniting with her parents being no small motivation to find out as much as she could about Tabula Rasa in a short amount of time. But at the same time, she was more than aware of the fact that most of her friends, both on the island and off, had equally heavy burdens to bear. It made complaining about her own feel that much more inconsiderate, and so she did her best to keep her chin up whenever possible.

It wasn't that hard, with a friend like Kate.

"But... I do remind myself that the chance of seeing them again isn't in any way small. There's even the possibility that they could arrive here on the island, although on the whole, I suppose that it's a little less common for middle-aged parents to show up."

[everyone_takes]

"Hey, I keep holding out hope for the same thing, so let's pretend there's a good chance that middle-aged parents will show up," Kate said, smiling a little as she thought about what her mom and dad would make of the island. Max would probably adjust alright, as long as he knew she and Marshall were safe and he had Tara with him. Her mom might take a little longer, she'd probably spend a good chunk of her time being someone else, but she'd probably end up okay, too.

"God, my mom..." she trailed off and grinned, shaking her head. "I would love to see Harry meet my mom when she was Buck or something." Not T. Kate loved T most of the time, but she'd also seen what T had done with Jason. Harry probably wouldn't make out with Tara in a shed anywhere, but she didn't want to run the risk that T might at least try and make things super weird.

"T made out with my brother's not-boyfriend once," she said suddenly. "So maybe that'd actually be a really bad idea."

[cleverness]

"Let's," Hermione agreed with a smile, before falling silent to listen to the rest of Kate's tale. As far as parents went, Hermione felt that her parents would react in a manner that most people would probably have seen as almost alarmingly calm— she still remembered their reactions upon first spotting the letter from Hogwarts, lightly flabbergasted, but not afraid or doubting enough to keep Hermione from running off at such a young age to a boarding school that was relatively hard to keep in contact with. An island capable of pulling people from different times and universes seemed to be only a natural extension of what was already commonplace in her world, and with how much she'd always shared with her parents, they would adjust well, she thought to herself. No matter whether or not it was a fact she wanted to dwell for too long on.

"Though, yeah, I think... I mean, Harry's seen many strange things, he'd probably be able to manage well enough, but only after a time," Hermione grinned, fond. "We've seen people act contrary to their usual nature before, though more often than not, it's the result of a spell, which I suppose is easier to explain away. But he'd, he'd make a very earnest effort to get to know your mother, I'm sure. Harry's that type of person. I've no shortage of praise for him on the whole, seeing as how he's been my best friend for years."

[everyone_takes]

"Yeah, no, I know he'd do his best," Kate agreed, but for a moment she was thinking of Ben, of the shitty things he'd said about Tara. It wasn't like Kate hadn't been bitching about her at the time, but she was the only person who was allowed to call her mom crazy. That was just how it went, those were the rules she lived by, and the fact that Ben had been so happy to give her mom shit was a big part of why they hadn't gotten very far.

Plus, he'd been a total creep.

"These other guys I dated used to talk about getting me out," she admitted, smiling faintly. "Like I was stuck in some kind of personal hell. We would run away together and everything would be totally fine, blah blah blah, like they could solve all the world's problems. It was so ridiculous." It had never seemed to register with them that she hadn't needed to be saved. That she would need Gene to do it was such a totally ridiculous concept, too.

[cleverness]

"That's ridiculous," Hermione shook her head at once, brows furrowing in slight disbelief. Or, perhaps, more with the hope that Kate hadn't allowed herself to be subjected to that kind of treatment for long. "I think all of us need the occasional break from the status quo of our lives, and to have the chance to find reprieve for anything which may be putting pressure on us, but to suggest that you needed to be saved from the life altogether is simply... it's not his choice to make. At least, you certainly seem like the type of person who would realize if she was caught in an overly unhealthy position."

Letting out a soft breath between her teeth, Hermione shook her head again. "I would certainly have given such a man a piece of my mind, but... then again, I've never been particularly shy about doing that with anyone. It's certainly earned me my share of discontent peers over time."