[Post-rave: For Jeff & Danny]

[everyone_takes]

Kate had no idea how she'd gotten to the Compound.

She didn't know what time it was or where any of her friends were or why she was at the Compound instead of at the rave. Maybe it was over. Maybe it was so late that it was done and she'd tried to stumble home and had instead found herself in the rec room, surrounded by books and movies and things she didn't want.

Earlier, she'd been feeling good. Well, not good. Good enough. For some reason, good seemed to be escaping her lately, like maybe she wasn't capable of feeling it right now. But the rave had offered an escape; a distraction she'd snapped up greedily, but she couldn't remember the last hour or how she'd gotten into the rec room or why she was even there and although the drugs were still coursing through her, they felt dark and unhappy. She didn't know where Harry was and she didn't know where Marshall was and it was late. Everything was dark.

People were still moving about, she could hear them, like she always did when she was in the Compound. It was never silent, never completely still, not like home had even managed to be now and then.

She wandered toward the bookshelf, even though she didn't want a book. She wanted to go back to her room and sleep until the world stopped spinning and she wanted to be sure that the people she loved were okay -- her mom and her dad and Charmaine -- and it wasn't until she leaned against the bookshelf that she realized what every single shelf was filled with.

A Doctor's Harrowing Journey of Treating a Woman with 17 Personalities and The Dissociative Identity Disorder Sourcebook. Kate frowned as she scanned the rest of the shelves, finding more of the same. A Shattered Mind and The Stranger in the Mirror and book after book on trauma and attachment and it was stupid, it normally wouldn't have bugged her much, but she couldn't take it right now.

"Fuck you, you bastard," she whispered, pulling one book off and letting it drop to the ground. It was strangely satisfying and Kate grinned, pulling off another and another, each thump on the floor causing her smile to grow. She didn't realize that the noise was louder than she thought, didn't realize she wasn't actually whispering, but shouting at the bookshelf. Each book she pulled off was replaced with another, all of them about DID, all of them about the disorder, but nothing about her mother.

"This is all bullshit!" she shouted, getting her hands on the shelf itself and trying to pull it out. Maybe if she toppled the whole damn thing, maybe if she burned it, then it would stop. In the middle of a pile of books and movie reels, Kate began to search herself for a lighter, finding a book of matches in one pocket of her shorts. Like most of the night, she couldn't remember how they'd gotten there, but it didn't matter.

She was going to burn this fucker.

Comments

[everyone_takes]

It was Jeff. Kate liked Jeff, and she grinned brightly, holding the matchbook up for him to see. She didn't feel an awful lot like grinning, not while she stood in a pile of books that would just tell her in scientific terms what was wrong with her mother, but she smiled anyway. All the ridiculous books that would tell her all the right words, but not how to fix anything. Nothing felt bright and filled with lights like it had during the last few parties she'd gone to, but things felt different anyway. Too bright, maybe, and too clear.

"I'm burning them," she answered, tilting her head to the side, her hair coming out of the clip that held it back. Brushing it away from her eyes, she shrugged and looked at the matches.

"Aren't you tired, sometimes, of this fucking place?" she asked. "Everything is just... it's a lie, isn't it? Here, have an amazing party and all the shit in the world you could want, but fuck you, you can't have your mom or your dad or even know if they're okay and while we're at it, you're going to be taunted by all these stupid books."

[wingerguarantee.livejournal.com]

Of course he was. More lately than ever before even, as he rounded the final corner of his first year stuck on the island. But that wasn't the point. The annoyance and sometimes outright anger never led him to stand over flammable books in a room with flammable things in the only building that had supplies everyone needed. That she seemed completely unstable (maybe because of the party she mentioned? he didn't know) wasn't helping matters.

"Burning the books isn't going to make it stop. It's probably going to make it worse," he said, his tone even, clearly trying to talk her down from doing anything crazy. He really, really wasn't equipped to deal with anything like what was happening, though. "How about you give me those matches and we can talk about what's going on, huh?"

[everyone_takes]

"I'm not gonna burn the books," Kate said, laughing. "I'm gonna burn the bookshelf." Then it would be gone and then it couldn't hurt anyone anymore by giving them such complete bullshit and trying to pass it off as help. "Actually, maybe I'll burn the books, too."

They couldn't tell her anything new, after all. They couldn't tell her what had caused her mom to split and they couldn't tell her how to fix it, just like all the doctors couldn't help beyond making sure the right cocktail of pills were taken every day. That wasn't help.

"Just to get rid of it all," she said, trying to pull one match free from the book. "Just to get rid of it and then everything can be okay and no one will have to think about it and it'll just stop. For a little while it can stop and that's not so bad."

[wingerguarantee.livejournal.com]

Jeff was quickly beginning to understand that reason was probably not going to work in the situation. He'd been about to try one more time regardless until he saw she was already trying to light one up. The situation was very different at that point.

"Kate, stop, you can't do this," he warned, and since she was preoccupied with the matches, he made a grab to take them away by force.

[everyone_takes]

"Hey, those are mine," Kate said, just barely managing to keep the matches out of Jeff's grasp. It felt like he was moving at super speed and she was trying to move through water or jelly. All of the sudden, her limbs felt heavy, like they were made of lead and she made a soft noise of annoyance, struggling with the matches.

"And why can't I?" she asked, finally getting one free and nearly tripping over the books in the process. "Everyone seems to hate it. They don't talk about it much, because everyone here pretends to be happy most of the time, but they all hate it, even if they don't say it." She was trying to light the match as she spoke, striking it against the back of the book until, finally, there was a spark.

[wingerguarantee.livejournal.com]

It was probably a bad sign Jeff could agree with the point she was making. But burning things still wasn't the answer (unless you were crazy, which she apparently was right now), and he was glad he was close when she got the match going because he immediately blew it out before she could do anything with it. His second grab at the rest in her hand was faster, and he secured it away from her this time.

"Because there's more than just that in this room that'll go up," he replied sharply. "Do you want to make things worse for people?"

[everyone_takes]

But it wouldn't be making things worse, that was just it, and Kate opened her mouth to try and explain that, but couldn't come up with the words. Everything around her was still pulsing, the walls and the books at her feet and even Jeff. She could see each beat of his heart, every time his veins expanded and contracted with the blood being pushed out and she reached out, not for the matches, but just to touch his arm.

"I just..." She trailed off, fingers walking up the length of his arm, still not even looking for the matches. In truth, she'd already forgotten they were there. "I want to tear it down. Can I tear it all down? Can't we just do that?"

[wingerguarantee.livejournal.com]

If he wasn't sure already she was on something, he was now. With the threat of her about to put fire to something gone, he could get a good look at her, not to mention how she was still acting.

"How about you sit down and tear up one or two of the books first?" he asked, which, while still destructive, it wasn't the most awful thing she could do. Hell, it would keep her busy for a while at least, maybe - the stuff she pulled off the shelf were pretty big medical books. What he'd do after, he had no idea - he didn't actually know where she lived, and the only other person who he knew she hung out with was Britta, who wasn't around and too far to reach.

[everyone_takes]

For a moment, Kate said nothing, only swayed where she stood, her hand wrapping around Jeff's wrist, partly just to stay standing and partly because she couldn't not hold onto him. He was there, right where she needed someone to be and for a moment she thought she might listen to him. Maybe all she needed was to sit down or just sleep or do anything but this.

"No," she murmured then, looking at him, her eyebrows drawn together in faint confusion, almost as if she didn't know how she'd gotten here. "That isn't enough. It's not enough, it's not... fuck, it's just... it's not enough, Jeff, it isn't, it isn't!" She was getting increasingly louder, her voice rising and it wasn't that she was angry with him, just that she was trying to get him to understand and he didn't.

[haolehothead]

Occasionally, Danny pulls the night shift for the Children's Office. It's not the most glorious thing in the world, but he's done worse with stakeouts and the kind of case that runs through days, never mind hours. He hears the shouting, hears the lull, but then it picks up again and he's officially in IPD mode. He grabs hold of the issued zip-ties that Steve has fashioned for him and heads for the rec room, raising a brow. "Is everything okay in here?" he asks, glancing to the guy (Jeff, he presumes) and then back to the girl who, Jesus Christ, looks like a dead ringer for Meg.

[wingerguarantee.livejournal.com]

There was a brief moment he thought it might've gotten through to her, but then she was right back to how she was before (sans matches, at least, which was a very, very small comfort). He'd just been about to say something when another voice interrupted him.

Someone with something that looked like zip-ties, which, considering his old job, was more recognizable than it would be to most people.

"Are you from the IPD?" he asked. The last thing he wanted to do was hand her office to the cops of the island, but he sure as hell wasn't equipped for this. He usually dealt with the after effects of a bad night. "I just found her like this. She's freaking out right now. I think she might be on something."

He didn't mention the fire part of it - even subtly pocketed the matches as he spoke. Considering the lax laws, being high or drunk or whatever won't get her too much trouble, but he has a feeling attempted arson would.

[everyone_takes]

Another day, when she had time to sleep and think about everything she'd done, all the ridiculous things she'd said, Kate would be grateful to Jeff for making the matches disappear. "Everything is great," she said, though that obviously wasn't true, between the mess around their feet and the way she was leaning on Jeff's arm for support. With a vicious smile, she absently kicked at the books at her feet, then looked at the cop.

Because he had to be a cop. The way he asked if everything was okay, the way he was standing and, of course, Jeff had asked. That put the idea in her head and she figured Jeff was probably right.

"Unless you want to help us tear this shit down," she added, tipping her head to the side. "'Cause you can. Anyone can."

[haolehothead]

When he's satisfied that there's no immediate domestic disturbance going on, he tucks the zip-ties into his back pocket and steps a bit closer. "I'm Danny Williams," he introduces himself, giving her a small smile. "And no, you can't tear it down. I mean, it's destruction of property," he says off-hand, glancing to her companion and then back to her. "I'm IPD, yeah, but I was off-duty. Just checking in when I heard some raised noises. Do you want to tell me what you took?"

[wingerguarantee.livejournal.com]

He was more than happy to let Danny take over, to be honest.

"She mentioned some party," was about all he could contribute, since that's all he got out of the last few minutes. He'd seen posters, or something, around, but he hadn't really thought much of it until now.

[everyone_takes]

"Oh, my God, Jeff, you're just gonna hand me off to a cop, aren't you?" Kate asked, crossing her arms and giving him the dirtiest look she could muster, which was difficult when everything still felt a little like it was moving and pulsing. There was a light near the door and she looked at it, over Danny's shoulder, trying to decided if it was really there or if she was making it up.

"I didn't take anything," she told him, which was true. "I just had some punch." And some baked goods and then another few cups of punch, but she technically hadn't taken anything.

[haolehothead]

"Hey, hey, okay," Danny says, one hand up in the air and trying to get the situation nice and calm before things escalated. It was horrible, but he's kind of glad for this. After all, he hasn't done actual policework in ages (even longer considering that Five-0 specializes in Steve's brand of insanity and not procedure). "Okay, so, I'm not going to test you for anything," he says, not taking his eyes off of her. "But how about you come with me, just for a little. We'll wait until whatever you drank wears off and then I'll let you go with a warning."

He really doesn't want to get the cuffs out and read the rights, but he will, if he has to. "That sound good to everyone?"

[wingerguarantee.livejournal.com]

He wasn't so heartless as to not feel a little guilty about what he was doing. But at least his selfishness for once had some reasoning behind it - he sure as hell wasn't equipped to keep her from burning things and whatever else she came up with.

"Sounds like a good deal to me," he said, though his gaze remained on Kate, hoping she'd go along with it. "You really should listen to him, Kate."

[everyone_takes]

"You're the worst lawyer ever," she said to Jeff, staring back at him, wishing there was some way she could speak to him telepathically and ask why he wasn't telling this guy that everything was just fine. She was sure that the lawyer-type thing to do would be to make sure she got off and didn't have to serve time or whatever it was they did on the island.

"God, fine, whatever. Take me to jail," she said, after trying to tell Jeff this just by looking at him. "I'll come quietly or whatever."

[haolehothead]

Danny gives her a sympathetic smile, turning to the guy (Jeff, apparently?) "Do you want to come with? I'm just gonna keep her in the cell with the door closed, but unlocked. I figure, I figure I'll stay the night," he says, glancing to the girl and appraising her, trying to shake the feeling that he's looking at someone he could be related to.

[wingerguarantee.livejournal.com]

He knew what she wanted him to do. And honestly, if he'd been inclined, he could have easily gotten her out of it. He wasn't, though, because he knew this would probably be safer for her than letting her wander off. And damn it, why was this suddenly in his hands to begin with? Rubbing his temples, he sighed.

"If she wants me to be there," he replied, though with a little bit of reluctance. He knew he couldn't just leave if she wanted him to stick around, even when facing the unappealing task of sitting around an entire night with her and this cop.

[everyone_takes]

For a moment, Kate didn't answer, her anger dissipating as she lifted her gaze to the lights again, wishing they would flicker and dance like the candle light in the cave had. The drugs were leaving her system, she could feel that, but they weren't gone yet and every so often she'd find herself distracted, smiling at nothing.

"No," she said, looking at Jeff again. She wasn't even annoyed with him anymore. "Go to sleep. I'll just... I'll..." She remember wanting to burn the bookshelf down, remembered wanting to see the candle light, the fire. "I'll be fine."

[haolehothead]

Danny gives her an apologetic look, pressing a hand gently to the small of her back so that he can guide her the right way to the IPD offices. He's not taking her out to the prisons alone in the dark without backup because he is not his gung-ho partner. "I'll stay with her all night," he promises Jeff. "I'll send you a message if anything changes."

[wingerguarantee.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, okay, just keep a good eye on her," he replied, sounding weary now. The guy seemed trustworthy enough, so he had no reason to believe she'd have to do anything but sleep it off.

As for him, since he was off the hook in terms of sticking around the entire night, he at least started to collect the books she'd ripped off the shelves. He had no idea where he was going to put them (the trash, probably), but with how freaked out she'd been, he'd be an ass if he just left them there.

[everyone_takes]

In a few days, on top of feeling like an ass for making Jeff take care of her shit, Kate would probably feel bad that she'd left him there with the books, but right now she was only aware of letting herself be pushed out of the room, the cop's fingertips pressing into her back. Her shirt was still damp from the multiple dips she'd taken in the pool at the waterfall, her hair half pulled back, half tumbling over her shoulder and she suddenly remembered what she'd wanted to do.

"So how long do I have to be in jail for?" she asked. "Is this like a real arrest? Do I have a record now?" Not that it would prevent her from doing it again. Not on the island. Not anywhere.

[haolehothead]

"What'd you take, Curious LSD?" Danny comments off the cuff as he guides her into the IPD office. "What's with the endless questions, huh? I'm not officially arresting you, I'm keeping you until you dry up, figuratively and literally, and if you keep trying to destroy property, I might have to start building a real case against you."

He gestures into the office. "Your suite awaits," he says. "Get comfortable, we're gonna be here all night."