[Post-rave: For Jeff & Danny]

[everyone_takes]

Kate had no idea how she'd gotten to the Compound.

She didn't know what time it was or where any of her friends were or why she was at the Compound instead of at the rave. Maybe it was over. Maybe it was so late that it was done and she'd tried to stumble home and had instead found herself in the rec room, surrounded by books and movies and things she didn't want.

Earlier, she'd been feeling good. Well, not good. Good enough. For some reason, good seemed to be escaping her lately, like maybe she wasn't capable of feeling it right now. But the rave had offered an escape; a distraction she'd snapped up greedily, but she couldn't remember the last hour or how she'd gotten into the rec room or why she was even there and although the drugs were still coursing through her, they felt dark and unhappy. She didn't know where Harry was and she didn't know where Marshall was and it was late. Everything was dark.

People were still moving about, she could hear them, like she always did when she was in the Compound. It was never silent, never completely still, not like home had even managed to be now and then.

She wandered toward the bookshelf, even though she didn't want a book. She wanted to go back to her room and sleep until the world stopped spinning and she wanted to be sure that the people she loved were okay -- her mom and her dad and Charmaine -- and it wasn't until she leaned against the bookshelf that she realized what every single shelf was filled with.

A Doctor's Harrowing Journey of Treating a Woman with 17 Personalities and The Dissociative Identity Disorder Sourcebook. Kate frowned as she scanned the rest of the shelves, finding more of the same. A Shattered Mind and The Stranger in the Mirror and book after book on trauma and attachment and it was stupid, it normally wouldn't have bugged her much, but she couldn't take it right now.

"Fuck you, you bastard," she whispered, pulling one book off and letting it drop to the ground. It was strangely satisfying and Kate grinned, pulling off another and another, each thump on the floor causing her smile to grow. She didn't realize that the noise was louder than she thought, didn't realize she wasn't actually whispering, but shouting at the bookshelf. Each book she pulled off was replaced with another, all of them about DID, all of them about the disorder, but nothing about her mother.

"This is all bullshit!" she shouted, getting her hands on the shelf itself and trying to pull it out. Maybe if she toppled the whole damn thing, maybe if she burned it, then it would stop. In the middle of a pile of books and movie reels, Kate began to search herself for a lighter, finding a book of matches in one pocket of her shorts. Like most of the night, she couldn't remember how they'd gotten there, but it didn't matter.

She was going to burn this fucker.

Comments

[wingerguarantee.livejournal.com]

He wasn't so heartless as to not feel a little guilty about what he was doing. But at least his selfishness for once had some reasoning behind it - he sure as hell wasn't equipped to keep her from burning things and whatever else she came up with.

"Sounds like a good deal to me," he said, though his gaze remained on Kate, hoping she'd go along with it. "You really should listen to him, Kate."

[everyone_takes]

"You're the worst lawyer ever," she said to Jeff, staring back at him, wishing there was some way she could speak to him telepathically and ask why he wasn't telling this guy that everything was just fine. She was sure that the lawyer-type thing to do would be to make sure she got off and didn't have to serve time or whatever it was they did on the island.

"God, fine, whatever. Take me to jail," she said, after trying to tell Jeff this just by looking at him. "I'll come quietly or whatever."

[haolehothead]

Danny gives her a sympathetic smile, turning to the guy (Jeff, apparently?) "Do you want to come with? I'm just gonna keep her in the cell with the door closed, but unlocked. I figure, I figure I'll stay the night," he says, glancing to the girl and appraising her, trying to shake the feeling that he's looking at someone he could be related to.

[wingerguarantee.livejournal.com]

He knew what she wanted him to do. And honestly, if he'd been inclined, he could have easily gotten her out of it. He wasn't, though, because he knew this would probably be safer for her than letting her wander off. And damn it, why was this suddenly in his hands to begin with? Rubbing his temples, he sighed.

"If she wants me to be there," he replied, though with a little bit of reluctance. He knew he couldn't just leave if she wanted him to stick around, even when facing the unappealing task of sitting around an entire night with her and this cop.

[everyone_takes]

For a moment, Kate didn't answer, her anger dissipating as she lifted her gaze to the lights again, wishing they would flicker and dance like the candle light in the cave had. The drugs were leaving her system, she could feel that, but they weren't gone yet and every so often she'd find herself distracted, smiling at nothing.

"No," she said, looking at Jeff again. She wasn't even annoyed with him anymore. "Go to sleep. I'll just... I'll..." She remember wanting to burn the bookshelf down, remembered wanting to see the candle light, the fire. "I'll be fine."

[haolehothead]

Danny gives her an apologetic look, pressing a hand gently to the small of her back so that he can guide her the right way to the IPD offices. He's not taking her out to the prisons alone in the dark without backup because he is not his gung-ho partner. "I'll stay with her all night," he promises Jeff. "I'll send you a message if anything changes."

[wingerguarantee.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, okay, just keep a good eye on her," he replied, sounding weary now. The guy seemed trustworthy enough, so he had no reason to believe she'd have to do anything but sleep it off.

As for him, since he was off the hook in terms of sticking around the entire night, he at least started to collect the books she'd ripped off the shelves. He had no idea where he was going to put them (the trash, probably), but with how freaked out she'd been, he'd be an ass if he just left them there.

[everyone_takes]

In a few days, on top of feeling like an ass for making Jeff take care of her shit, Kate would probably feel bad that she'd left him there with the books, but right now she was only aware of letting herself be pushed out of the room, the cop's fingertips pressing into her back. Her shirt was still damp from the multiple dips she'd taken in the pool at the waterfall, her hair half pulled back, half tumbling over her shoulder and she suddenly remembered what she'd wanted to do.

"So how long do I have to be in jail for?" she asked. "Is this like a real arrest? Do I have a record now?" Not that it would prevent her from doing it again. Not on the island. Not anywhere.

[haolehothead]

"What'd you take, Curious LSD?" Danny comments off the cuff as he guides her into the IPD office. "What's with the endless questions, huh? I'm not officially arresting you, I'm keeping you until you dry up, figuratively and literally, and if you keep trying to destroy property, I might have to start building a real case against you."

He gestures into the office. "Your suite awaits," he says. "Get comfortable, we're gonna be here all night."

[everyone_takes]

"I'm not destroying anything!" Kate protested, but she let herself be guided into the office, sitting down on one of the beds with an annoyed huff. There had been a moment earlier when she'd thought of burning down the bookshelf, she remembered that now, but she couldn't remember why she thought that might have been a good idea.

"It was the books," she said suddenly, pushing her tangled hair off her face. "I wasn't doing anything and then it was the books. Did you even see them? They were all the stupid shit that I just..." She sighed and leaned back against the wall. "Whatever."

[haolehothead]

Danny takes the opposite bed, slowly unknotting his tie given that he figures this is gonna be a long night. He locks the door behind him before sprawling out on the second bed and keeping an eye on her. After a second, he disappears, but only to bring back water and some bread and butter on a plate, handing the both to her. "Are you kidding me? The bookshelf gives me Harlequin romance novels all the time, but I'm not trying to tear it apart," he says dubiously. "If books are really driving you over the edge, then maybe you oughta become a film aficionado."

[everyone_takes]

"That's my brother's job," she muttered, looking down at the food and water. Vaguely, she could remember talking to Marshall at the rave, telling him to go earn the right to wear Maxxie's crown and suddenly she wished she'd just gone home with Harry instead of wandering off. Going home with her boyfriend probably would have meant something better than this.

"And, yeah, I'm totally sure that your romance novel problem is equally as upsetting as all the mental health books that it throws at me," she added, picking at the bread. "Like I need a reminder of how much doctors suck and couldn't help my mom."

[haolehothead]

Danny watches her carefully, wondering how long it'll take for the drugs to get out of her system. Almost an afterthought, he drags up a bucket too, just in case. "What does she suffer from?" he asks quietly. 'What's wrong with her' is just too damn abrasive and Danny knows he wouldn't appreciate the wording, so he's going for understanding.

[everyone_takes]

Kate wasn't even sure why a cop would care -- as far as she knew, cops really didn't give a shit about that sort of thing when it was her mom in trouble with the law -- but the drugs and alcohol had loosened her tongue even more than usual.

"DID," she said, finally eating a bit of the bread. Now that she wasn't moving, she could feel how tired she was, the toll the night had taken on her. "Dissociative Identity Disorder. It means she's a bunch of different people." And on days like today, she missed all of them. Even Alice.

[haolehothead]

"Shit," Danny exhales, running a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry." He wants to think it'd be easier if there was no suffering, like Steve, but that's just a completely different barrel of suck. "I had to arrest someone with DID as a suspect. They didn't do it, in the end, but the psychologist we brought in had some definite opinions about it, none of them were that it was easy."

He leans forward, his forearms on his thighs. "How come you let it bug you?"

[everyone_takes]

"You sound like my mom's therapist alter," she answered, because it really was a little bit like Shoshana telling her that she hid behind her anger. Reaching up, she drew one hand through her hair, trying to work through the tangled curls as she tried to decide on an answer. For the most part, people didn't care how her mom being sick affected her or Marshall. And when they did, they tried to show it in some weird, fucked up way, like her grandparents.

"It bugs me because I'm stoned on the wrong kind of drugs," she said finally, which was mostly the truth. The DID was just part of her family. It didn't matter, but she did want to know that things were okay back home. "You mean it wouldn't bug you? Ever?"

[haolehothead]

"Hey, so long as you're not gonna accuse me of being Dr. Phil, cuz that got old a long time ago," he informs her, sipping at his own glass of water before he shifts on the bed and sprawls out to get comfortable. "What, if there was some kind of sickness in my family? Yeah, it'd bug me, but I wouldn't try and tear it all down. I'd yell. I'd make faces, I would probably use hyperbole as much as I can, but...look, I get anger in the face of this shit. I'm dating someone who practically went postal over a toolbox. I said it then, I'll say it now. So not worth it."

[everyone_takes]

Even that sounded like Shoshana and Kate leaned back on the bed, the plate on her stomach, her glass of water untouched on the floor. It was one of the last things her mother had ever said to her; an alter accusing her of hiding behind costumes and anger just so she wouldn't have to face things head on, but Kate was fine with that. She didn't need to face things head on.

"Well, I'm a teenager," she answered, looking over at Danny. "So I guess I just have a ways to go before I stop trying to burn shit down when I'm pissed off."

[haolehothead]

"Truth," Danny insists, poking a finger in her direction as he sits up. "And so long as you know that your friendly neighborhood IPD is gonna hold you if you actually burnt anything down. Actually, scratch that. Flames on anything means you're definitely getting a record. I know this place is crazy into a lack of consequences, but I like to think that records prohibit things like serving on Council and holding down jobs, here. Not that you care," he admits, waving a hand in the air. "Teenager."

[everyone_takes]

"I didn't burn anything," she pointed out. "Nothing. Okay? I get it, I fucked up and I reacted the wrong way and now I have to spend a night in jail." And he was right, she didn't care about having a job right now, but even Kate knew she might be here for years and eventually she'd want to do something other than party and pretend nothing bugged her. And she'd have to thank Jeff eventually for making sure she didn't burn anything down.

"And I didn't mean that I don't care about shit like that," she said, still picking absently at the bread. The effects of the drugs were leaving her, the room too bright now, the lights no longer pleasant. "I just... I meant..." Trailing off, Kate shrugged. "I don't know."

[haolehothead]

"Again, teenager. You're not supposed to know," he says, hauling himself up into a sitting position. "Me? I knew I wanted to be a cop by the time I was nine, but I had a delinquent brother who gave me a lot of practice," he boasts with a smug grin. "I knew the Miranda warning by heart before I was ten."

[everyone_takes]

"That's... sort of really nerdy," Kate said, finally putting some of the bread into her mouth. She wasn't that hungry, but since she'd only had brownies and punch since that evening, eating was probably a good thing. "How come everyone seems to know what they want to be when they're still just kids?"

The real question was why didn't she know? Why did everyone seem to know the place that was meant for them while she just kept floundering along, working jobs that didn't matter or ones that mattered in a way that was sort of gross.

[haolehothead]

"I had these plastic handcuffs that I never left home without, you're goddamn right I was a big nerd," Danny agrees, watching her carefully in case he needs to bust out the Heimlich at any point soon. "And I dunno, I knew because I have four younger siblings and I kept 'em in line. I did good and I liked it. We're not all that lucky. I had a coworker turn to policework because pro-surfing didn't work out. You never know."

[everyone_takes]

They definitely weren't all that lucky, but it seemed like everyone Kate met had either done something big already or was well on their way. Even if doing something big just meant not fucking up. It was better than her resume, which basically included a shitty restaurant chain and a stint as a half-naked comic book character.

"Well, it must be nice," she said finally, eating more of the bread. "To be that sure of something."

[haolehothead]

"Yeah, it is," Danny agrees with a stupid smile on his face, considering that he did what he loved and he got a thrill out of serving the community in doing it. "How're you feeling?" he asks, his attention still on her chewing. "When you're sober enough, we'll do official introductions. You know, when you're bound to actually remember me."