March 13

[everyone_takes]

It was late.

Effy was inside, probably asleep, Maxxie had gone awhile ago, Kate didn't know where. Harry was supposed to be here any minute, she knew that much, but she couldn't find the energy to get up from the front step of the hut she shared with Marshall.

The hut she used to share with him.

For the better part of the day, she'd looked for him. It was the first time she'd left Effy alone for so long and there was a part of her that thought she should feel guilty about it. She was supposed to be looking after her friend. Not like it was a job, she just was. That was what she was doing for Effy because they were friends and she wasn't doing it now. But she didn't feel guilty. She didn't feel much of anything.

One of Marshall's stupid cardigans was crumpled in her hands. She'd been holding it the entire time she'd spoken with Maxxie, though she didn't remember most of that conversation. The point was easy enough and she remembered saying it. Hating herself for saying it. Marshall's gone.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be. They were supposed to look out for each other, through all the shit back home and through all the shit here, that was what they did. She didn't want to admit it, especially not to him, but without Marshall to keep her pulled together, Kate was pretty much a disaster. And she'd never told him that. Never thanked him for keeping her together. Never said that she loved him. Never told him that he was her best friend.

Because friends looked out for each other. It was what she was doing for Effy and it was what she was supposed to be doing for Marshall.

It was what he was supposed to do for her.

But he was gone and Kate sat on the front porch, his cardigan in her hands, and wondered who the hell was going to look after her now.

Comments

[everyone_takes]

Kate shrugged at that, not because she didn't appreciate it, but because she had no idea what to say. Nothing anyone said could bring Marshall back and she was pretty sure that nothing anyone said could make her feel much better. Still, it was nice to have Harry sitting beside her, his arms around her. It didn't make it better, didn't take away all the shit she was feeling -- or refusing to feel -- but it was nice in its way.

"I had to tell Maxxie," she said finally, leaning against Harry a little, leaning into the warmth of him beside her. It was a comfort and she found all she wanted to do now was lie down beside him. Fall asleep, deal with it that way for another day or so. "That sucked." She hated having to be the one to deliver that news, hated having to make Maxxie feel even worse after all the others who'd disappeared recently.

[theboywholived]

Other than "sorry," Harry wasn't sure of what to say either, so he didn't take offense. Her shrug was simply what it was, not some sign that he needed to read. He would have been a wreck if it had been him, losing someone like Ron or Hermione. A part of him was grateful that Kate hadn't not collapsed into a sobbing mess in his arms.

"Merlin, that does suck," Harry agreed, frowning. "How-- Nevermind." He had thought to ask how Maxxie had taken the news, but the answer would be rather obvious, wouldn't it?

"Is there anyone else you need to tell?" he asked. "...Do you want me to do it?"

[everyone_takes]

"No. I mean... no, I can do it. There's probably a bunch of people I should tell, but I can't think of any of them right now," she admitted, finally looking over at Harry. It wasn't like Marshall was dead or anything, but unless he showed up again, she wasn't going to see him unless she went home. And if she went home, that meant she wouldn't see Harry anymore. Or Effy or Jeff or any of the people here.

But Lionel was dead. And she'd been trying so hard not to think about that, but here it was, another disappearance and it was hard not to remember that Lionel was gone, too. Except he was really gone. For good.

"I keep thinking it's stupid to be so upset," she said. "He just went home. He's not dead and I'm there, too, so... it's fine, right?"

[theboywholived]

Harry's brow fell into a frown at the question. Logically, yes, it was fine. There was nothing to worry about in regards to Marshall. He was back home, living his life, with Kate, with their parents, for better or worse. He wasn't dead or stood a very high chance of being attacked by dinosaurs or turned into a woman. He was, in some ways, better off, logically. But with a best friend like Hermione, Harry knew well that logic could be extremely cold comfort at times.

"It's fine," he agreed at first. "But.. it's fine to miss him, too. He's your brother. It doesn't matter if you know he's safe. You still have to be without him. And that hurts."

[everyone_takes]

"I don't know if it hurts yet. It probably does," Kate admitted, crossing her arms over her knees, the sweater pulling gently under her hands. "I'm not feeling much of anything yet. Just... tired, I guess."

And she was angry, too, but there was nowhere to direct her anger. No one had taken Marshall away and Marshall hadn't decided to go (unless he had, but she didn't want to think about that). The only thing she could blame was the island, but it wasn't like she could go punch it in the face that it clearly didn't have. Directionless anger wasn't satisfying, but pointing it at anyone else now would be sort of useless.

[theboywholived]

"Do you want to go lay down?" Harry asked, thinking of the most obvious solution.

He tucked Kate's hair back behind her ear, so he could see her more properly, despite how she was nearly curled up against him. His fingers brushed against her cheek as he pulled his hand away.

"I'll stay, if you'd like. Or not, if you don't."

[everyone_takes]

"Stay," she answered immediately, because if there was one thing she was sure of right now, it was that she didn't want to be stuck alone in that hut where Marshall had spent so much time. Effy was in there, but she had her own shit to deal with and Kate didn't think she'd be able to ask her for anything.

"Effy's probably asleep," she said, then laughed. "I guess she'll be able to have her own room now." It wasn't funny, really, it made her feel sort of terrible, but there was no sense not giving her Marshall's room. "I'll have to clear his stuff out of there, I'll have to... fuck, I don't know."

[theboywholived]

"Later," Harry said, firmly but with a note of understanding. It was too much to deal with in one day and he wouldn't let Kate worry herself until she lost it or exhausted herself. One worry easily led to two and so on until it was a snowball of concerns.

He squeezed her shoulder again. "We'll deal with it tomorrow, okay? I'll help. But after you've had some time to rest. Alright?"

[everyone_takes]

For just a moment she didn't say anything at all, then she nodded her agreement, because Harry was right. Trying to think about all the people she was supposed to tell, all the things he owned that she'd have to sort through and deal with, it was all too much right now. But, somehow, it was easier than thinking about the other thing that kept circling through her mind. Marshall was gone now. He was really gone.

"It's totally stupid, but he looked out for me," she said, standing at the same time so Harry couldn't see the expression on her face. How dangerously close to tears she was for a moment.

[theboywholived]

"It's not stupid," Harry insisted, even more firmly than before. His arm slipped from around her shoulders as she stood, and he followed her, getting to his feet with a determined look on his face.

"All the people I've lost, Kate..." Harry shook his head. "It's not stupid to miss the people we've lost. It's not stupid to realize what they mean to us after they've gone. It's not stupid that he looked out for you. I think it's great. And now, I'm going to look out for you," he said.

He paused, one second too long. "Me and all of your friends. We're still here."

[everyone_takes]

But there was no guarantee that they'd be there for very long either. Kate didn't want to say that, but it was true. Marshall wasn't the first person she'd lost here and she knew that people didn't just stick around forever. It seemed like everyone went eventually.

"What a total asshole," she said, pushing her way inside, holding the door for Harry to follow her. "Marshall, not you, I mean. And he's not even really an asshole. I'm just pissed." And she couldn't very well be pissed at the island. That didn't help much of anything.

[theboywholived]

"He didn't choose it, Kate," Harry said mildly as he followed her in the hut. He knew she was angry and he knew saying that wouldn't change things, but he also thought she might regret saying anything truly cruel if he let her go off.

"He would have stayed with you if the island let him."

[everyone_takes]

"Yeah, I know," she said quietly, making her way into her bedroom. Her clothes were all over the floor, a painful reminder of just how clean Marshall had been all the time, how different his room had looked from hers. "I still kind of want to kick him." That wouldn't fix anything at all and Harry was right, it wasn't Marshall's fault at all. He hadn't done anything to cause this.

But being pissed off was easier than being sad.

She kicked off her sandals, Marshall's cardigan still held in one hand, then stretched out on her side on the bed without bothering to get undressed. It wasn't about sleeping now, she didn't want to be comfortable, but she didn't want to be sitting anywhere else anymore either.

[theboywholived]

Harry followed, as meekly as he could, uncertain of what to do but trusting enough in his instincts not to hesitate. He followed and toed off his shoes, sliding into bed behind Kate, his chest pressing against her back. One arm going around her waist, he dropped his chin, lips brushing against her shoulder in an unintentional kiss.

"If you're still angry tomorrow, we'll find something for you to kick. Or burn or.. I don't know. Shout at."

[everyone_takes]

Kate laughed, rubbing the back of her hand across her eyes. "The last time I tried to burn something I ended up in jail," she reminded him, although the rest of that scenario wasn't so bad. She and Harry had been together that night for the first time and she couldn't find a thing to complain about in that. And she'd met Danny that night, too. Maybe not the best first meeting, but it had resulted in a pretty good relationship, even if she didn't say it often enough.

It was good having Harry here now. No one could make it go away, but it was a little easier, lying there in her bed, his arm around her.