Kate Gregson (
everyone_takes) wrote2012-03-12 06:11 pm
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March 13
It was late.
Effy was inside, probably asleep, Maxxie had gone awhile ago, Kate didn't know where. Harry was supposed to be here any minute, she knew that much, but she couldn't find the energy to get up from the front step of the hut she shared with Marshall.
The hut she used to share with him.
For the better part of the day, she'd looked for him. It was the first time she'd left Effy alone for so long and there was a part of her that thought she should feel guilty about it. She was supposed to be looking after her friend. Not like it was a job, she just was. That was what she was doing for Effy because they were friends and she wasn't doing it now. But she didn't feel guilty. She didn't feel much of anything.
One of Marshall's stupid cardigans was crumpled in her hands. She'd been holding it the entire time she'd spoken with Maxxie, though she didn't remember most of that conversation. The point was easy enough and she remembered saying it. Hating herself for saying it. Marshall's gone.
This wasn't how it was supposed to be. They were supposed to look out for each other, through all the shit back home and through all the shit here, that was what they did. She didn't want to admit it, especially not to him, but without Marshall to keep her pulled together, Kate was pretty much a disaster. And she'd never told him that. Never thanked him for keeping her together. Never said that she loved him. Never told him that he was her best friend.
Because friends looked out for each other. It was what she was doing for Effy and it was what she was supposed to be doing for Marshall.
It was what he was supposed to do for her.
But he was gone and Kate sat on the front porch, his cardigan in her hands, and wondered who the hell was going to look after her now.
Effy was inside, probably asleep, Maxxie had gone awhile ago, Kate didn't know where. Harry was supposed to be here any minute, she knew that much, but she couldn't find the energy to get up from the front step of the hut she shared with Marshall.
The hut she used to share with him.
For the better part of the day, she'd looked for him. It was the first time she'd left Effy alone for so long and there was a part of her that thought she should feel guilty about it. She was supposed to be looking after her friend. Not like it was a job, she just was. That was what she was doing for Effy because they were friends and she wasn't doing it now. But she didn't feel guilty. She didn't feel much of anything.
One of Marshall's stupid cardigans was crumpled in her hands. She'd been holding it the entire time she'd spoken with Maxxie, though she didn't remember most of that conversation. The point was easy enough and she remembered saying it. Hating herself for saying it. Marshall's gone.
This wasn't how it was supposed to be. They were supposed to look out for each other, through all the shit back home and through all the shit here, that was what they did. She didn't want to admit it, especially not to him, but without Marshall to keep her pulled together, Kate was pretty much a disaster. And she'd never told him that. Never thanked him for keeping her together. Never said that she loved him. Never told him that he was her best friend.
Because friends looked out for each other. It was what she was doing for Effy and it was what she was supposed to be doing for Marshall.
It was what he was supposed to do for her.
But he was gone and Kate sat on the front porch, his cardigan in her hands, and wondered who the hell was going to look after her now.
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He had his concerns. Remus and how he was recovering and settling in. Sirius and how he was dealing with losing Cassie. Quidditch and organizing everything. Moving into the new place with Ron and Hermione. (Thankfully the possibility of Malfoy spawn was no longer on the table.) But compared to what his life had been once, these things could not get him down. He worried, but he wasn't insensitive. He felt secure in the knowledge that things would get better. For a little while, at least.
Or so he thought. He had thought they were due. He had thought that he and his deserved several months -- if not a full year -- of peace and quiet starting any moment now. He had thought that, and then he had gotten close enough to Kate's hut to see her. Harry squinted at his girlfriend's form from behind his wire rim glasses, but he knew. He knew in the pit of his stomach that something was wrong.
Speeding up from a walk to a jog, Harry reached the front step in seconds.
"Kate?" he asked, his concern obvious in his gentle tone. "Kate, what happened?" he asked as he sat down beside her and immediately wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
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"Marshall," she said, then swallowed. The words felt like they were stuck, but she'd said it before. She could say it again.
"Marshall's gone," she said without looking up, then began to smooth his cardigan out over her knees. It was wrinkled from being in her hands for so long and her mouth twitched, almost turning into a smile, when she realized just how much he would hate those wrinkles. Most of her clothes were wrinkled on a regular basis, just because they'd spend most of their time on her floor, but even here, Marshall was always perfectly dressed and now she'd gone and ruined one of his sweaters.
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He wanted to punch the island in the face, hex and curse it until it stopped playing these games, stopped hurting the people he cared about and loved. It wasn't fair. It wasn't bloody fair that they had to go through this, that Kate had to lose her brother even though there wasn't a war, he wasn't sick, they hadn't done anything wrong. It wasn't right that someone like Kate got hurt and it pissed him off that it was Kate that was hurt.
His muscles twitched in that anger, body tensing slightly as he held it in, but he kept his arm around Kate. He squeezed her shoulder.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm so sorry."
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"I had to tell Maxxie," she said finally, leaning against Harry a little, leaning into the warmth of him beside her. It was a comfort and she found all she wanted to do now was lie down beside him. Fall asleep, deal with it that way for another day or so. "That sucked." She hated having to be the one to deliver that news, hated having to make Maxxie feel even worse after all the others who'd disappeared recently.
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"Merlin, that does suck," Harry agreed, frowning. "How-- Nevermind." He had thought to ask how Maxxie had taken the news, but the answer would be rather obvious, wouldn't it?
"Is there anyone else you need to tell?" he asked. "...Do you want me to do it?"
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But Lionel was dead. And she'd been trying so hard not to think about that, but here it was, another disappearance and it was hard not to remember that Lionel was gone, too. Except he was really gone. For good.
"I keep thinking it's stupid to be so upset," she said. "He just went home. He's not dead and I'm there, too, so... it's fine, right?"
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"It's fine," he agreed at first. "But.. it's fine to miss him, too. He's your brother. It doesn't matter if you know he's safe. You still have to be without him. And that hurts."
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And she was angry, too, but there was nowhere to direct her anger. No one had taken Marshall away and Marshall hadn't decided to go (unless he had, but she didn't want to think about that). The only thing she could blame was the island, but it wasn't like she could go punch it in the face that it clearly didn't have. Directionless anger wasn't satisfying, but pointing it at anyone else now would be sort of useless.
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He tucked Kate's hair back behind her ear, so he could see her more properly, despite how she was nearly curled up against him. His fingers brushed against her cheek as he pulled his hand away.
"I'll stay, if you'd like. Or not, if you don't."
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"Effy's probably asleep," she said, then laughed. "I guess she'll be able to have her own room now." It wasn't funny, really, it made her feel sort of terrible, but there was no sense not giving her Marshall's room. "I'll have to clear his stuff out of there, I'll have to... fuck, I don't know."
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He squeezed her shoulder again. "We'll deal with it tomorrow, okay? I'll help. But after you've had some time to rest. Alright?"
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"It's totally stupid, but he looked out for me," she said, standing at the same time so Harry couldn't see the expression on her face. How dangerously close to tears she was for a moment.
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"All the people I've lost, Kate..." Harry shook his head. "It's not stupid to miss the people we've lost. It's not stupid to realize what they mean to us after they've gone. It's not stupid that he looked out for you. I think it's great. And now, I'm going to look out for you," he said.
He paused, one second too long. "Me and all of your friends. We're still here."
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"What a total asshole," she said, pushing her way inside, holding the door for Harry to follow her. "Marshall, not you, I mean. And he's not even really an asshole. I'm just pissed." And she couldn't very well be pissed at the island. That didn't help much of anything.
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"He would have stayed with you if the island let him."
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But being pissed off was easier than being sad.
She kicked off her sandals, Marshall's cardigan still held in one hand, then stretched out on her side on the bed without bothering to get undressed. It wasn't about sleeping now, she didn't want to be comfortable, but she didn't want to be sitting anywhere else anymore either.
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"If you're still angry tomorrow, we'll find something for you to kick. Or burn or.. I don't know. Shout at."
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It was good having Harry here now. No one could make it go away, but it was a little easier, lying there in her bed, his arm around her.