Kate Gregson (
everyone_takes) wrote2012-05-03 11:21 am
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Time doesn't heal all wounds.
Kate's pretty much determined that old cliché to be total bullshit, because here she is, months after Marshall disappeared and she still feels like crap almost every day. Some days are better than others and sometimes she can pretend she's happy long enough to fool some people, but it never sticks. At the end of the day she still goes home and thinks about all her family members who aren't there with her and feels like she's been left behind.
She doesn't tell anyone, but all she wants lately is just to go home.
But she does all the stuff people expect of her, even though she doesn't want to. She trains with Danny and pays attention to what he's saying. She spends time with her friends, with her boyfriend, she acts like herself, but she never feels like herself. No matter what she does, she feels like some kind of imposter who's just floating through her life.
The worst part is that there's nothing she can do that makes it go away. For the past few days, she's been thinking about going off on her own, doing something that's probably sort of stupid, but nothing seems to appeal to her. The dinosaurs still don't hold that much interest for her and she doesn't care about camping or looking for weird animals or bugs. That sort of leaves her with Rapture, even though she isn't sure about going down there. They probably wouldn't let her go down alone, anyway, but she can hardly ask Danny to go along with her.
Standing in front of the caves, she frowns and stares down into the dark. She has a flashlight, but no idea where to do or what she'll do when she gets there.
Kate's pretty much determined that old cliché to be total bullshit, because here she is, months after Marshall disappeared and she still feels like crap almost every day. Some days are better than others and sometimes she can pretend she's happy long enough to fool some people, but it never sticks. At the end of the day she still goes home and thinks about all her family members who aren't there with her and feels like she's been left behind.
She doesn't tell anyone, but all she wants lately is just to go home.
But she does all the stuff people expect of her, even though she doesn't want to. She trains with Danny and pays attention to what he's saying. She spends time with her friends, with her boyfriend, she acts like herself, but she never feels like herself. No matter what she does, she feels like some kind of imposter who's just floating through her life.
The worst part is that there's nothing she can do that makes it go away. For the past few days, she's been thinking about going off on her own, doing something that's probably sort of stupid, but nothing seems to appeal to her. The dinosaurs still don't hold that much interest for her and she doesn't care about camping or looking for weird animals or bugs. That sort of leaves her with Rapture, even though she isn't sure about going down there. They probably wouldn't let her go down alone, anyway, but she can hardly ask Danny to go along with her.
Standing in front of the caves, she frowns and stares down into the dark. She has a flashlight, but no idea where to do or what she'll do when she gets there.
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She lets Kate go ahead of her, because the ITF keeps this level in good repair and pretty well lit. A lot of people end their tours here. They won't, and Kate will take a lead then, but for now, letting other-Kate have her head is safe and it'll take the edge off the urge to wander later.
"Never met him, unless he was just one of the thousands of guys I met in passing. Kinda think he was part of some resistance though. More my type than a government honcho, you know?"
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"Apparently I date some total right wing douchebag for a little while back home," she said. "Lionel told me while he was here. I don't know why. I bet he was rich."
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"So." Because it's about time they get to the point and neither of them's really the talk to me type, but if she's taking Kate somewhere dangerous, she needs to know what's on her mind. "You just decide you needed some excitement or looking for something specific down here?"
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She shrugged at Kate's question, lifting her hand to trail her fingers over the wall. "Nothing really specific. I just... I needed to do something. Effy and I went over to the other island, but that was before everything pretty much exploded for the both of us."
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"Yeah, I know that feeling." Rapture's a good place to 'do something'. It's just what sort of 'something' Kate has in mind. "Sightseeing, window-shopping, treasure-hunting or adventure climbing? Rapture's got a little bit of everything, even if it's mostly defanged." Kinda like Tesla, really. More a memory of danger than actual danger, but sometimes it jumped up and bit you anyway.
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Maybe get her talking a little bit again.
"Is there actually treasure down here or will we just run around forever and find nothing?" she asked, smiling.
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"There's still some stuff. Food, wine, weapons, crap from the shops. They don't mind if you bring the little stuff back but if it's bigger than a breadbox or fires projectiles, you've gotta talk to someone about it."
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"Who named it that?" she asked. "Any idea? Because it sounds like something straight out of a seventies porno or something."
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"This place was supposed to be for artists and scientists to have freedom of expression all the time, before it went bad." That much she knows. "All the names are kind of...you know. Thematic."
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Maybe that was what had happened down here. She'd said everything had gone bad, so maybe someone had done exactly what she was thinking. Created something that had turned on everyone and caused a whole lot of bad shit to happen.
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But since they've got some time to kill waiting for it to come back from whereever it went, Kate leans against the wall with one shoulder and gives it a thought. "Magnus and Will argue about this kind of stuff all the time. And Tesla. The problem's not really the science." She shrugs, mildly uncomfortably with the following thought, but it's true. If anyone, Kate would know. "It's the people. Sure, it's harder to kill lots of people without an ICBM, but if that's your goal, not having one isn't going to stop you."
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She wasn't one for rules normally, but it sort of seemed to be the way it was. They were given ultimate freedom and it all went to shit.
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She's not sure he isn't. Some days. But most of the time, he's just Nikola to her now. And if he tries to take over the world, she'll beg his boyfriend's pardon and kick Nikola's ass.
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"I'm not sure the island's really worth taking over," she added thoughtfully. "I mean, the world, sure. But the island? There's like... two hundred people and a whole bunch of trees. Would that even be fun? I guess the dinosaurs add something to the mix."
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"Oh, he'd use it as a platform to take over the universe. Or at least he'd say he was. Thing with him is, you can never actually be sure. You think he's just monologuing but it turns out to be something like the truth."
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Maybe she'd never be an evil genius because of that, but she could deal with it. That wasn't something she'd ever really aspired to.
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When it stops again, she lets out a sigh. "Remake the world in their own image. Play god. Most of them think they're making a better world." Nikola does. He might not even be wrong, most of the time. "The whole slavery thing is kind of a downer. I dunno. Mostly it seems like too much work to me. If you're busy dictating everything, when do you do the stuff you want to do?"
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Without taking a breath, she plunged on and asked, "Are you okay? You don't seem to like this... thing that much." It wasn't like it was fun, she had to admit.
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"I just don't like rides. Like, anything not under my control. Give me a bike, I'm great. Tilt-a-Whirl, I'll toss every time." Why, well, some of it's just the control thing. But there's other things. About Thad and the things that happened at carnivals.
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"Holy shit," she murmured, staring at the signs, the advertisements. "I don't know what I thought we'd find down here, but this is... so weird."
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"Right?" Kate's own gaze scans the bright signs and neon, but also the path ahead and she maps it against previous visits to see if anything obvious has shifted. Changes in terrain were always danger signs down here. "It's like going from Bizarro Gilligan's Island to Bizarro Las Vegas by way of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea."
No, she's not going to talk about 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, why she knows it, and why it's one of the only exceptions to her hating rides. Period. Not for anyone.
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"I mean, how it is possible that it's here? That it all just appeared? That's totally insane." And yet here they were, in this totally insane place, walking around, looking at the signs.
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"I like it down here." She finally steps away from the wall and takes the lead toward the nearest shop. "I'm really not a small town chick. So, it's cool. Even with Rapture all creepy and deserted, it feels a lot more like home. Tall buildings, deep shadows, weird noises, machines..."
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She missed it now, although compared to the island, it was pretty much of a bustling centre of action.
"I guess most people are like that without home, huh?"
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She's actually feeling kind of smug about the choice. Enough so that she sort of loses the thread of what Kate's saying. "Huh?" Her gaze narrows, brows drawing together. "Oh, loving and hating home? I guess. I never really had one until the Sanctuary."
...yeah, she really didn't mean to spit those words out. Sometimes cruising around in dark and dangerous places with people leads to gum flapping. It's a thing.
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