everyone_takes | (no subject)

Time doesn't heal all wounds.

Kate's pretty much determined that old cliché to be total bullshit, because here she is, months after Marshall disappeared and she still feels like crap almost every day. Some days are better than others and sometimes she can pretend she's happy long enough to fool some people, but it never sticks. At the end of the day she still goes home and thinks about all her family members who aren't there with her and feels like she's been left behind.

She doesn't tell anyone, but all she wants lately is just to go home.

But she does all the stuff people expect of her, even though she doesn't want to. She trains with Danny and pays attention to what he's saying. She spends time with her friends, with her boyfriend, she acts like herself, but she never feels like herself. No matter what she does, she feels like some kind of imposter who's just floating through her life.

The worst part is that there's nothing she can do that makes it go away. For the past few days, she's been thinking about going off on her own, doing something that's probably sort of stupid, but nothing seems to appeal to her. The dinosaurs still don't hold that much interest for her and she doesn't care about camping or looking for weird animals or bugs. That sort of leaves her with Rapture, even though she isn't sure about going down there. They probably wouldn't let her go down alone, anyway, but she can hardly ask Danny to go along with her.

Standing in front of the caves, she frowns and stares down into the dark. She has a flashlight, but no idea where to do or what she'll do when she gets there.

Threaded | Flat

If it weren't for Bonny, Kate would probably still be in bed. The island's back to itself which is good because she missed it. But it's bad because every place reminds her of Declan. She wants to pull the covers up over her head and sleep until it doesn't hurt anymore but it's been a month and it's always going to hurt a little. It just is.

So when Bonny whines to go out, Kate gets up and lets her. And when she whines to go play, Kate gets dressed and takes her over to play with the dog and the wolf and the ocicat. And when she whines for food, Kate feeds them all and then sinks down onto the stairs, head in her hands, and just sits there batting the all away when they try to tug her out to play with one or another set of teeth in her laces.

Dr. J rescues her, eventually, sitting down next to her and just waiting to see if she'll talk. He's a lot like Will like that. Eventually she says, "I can't. I just...I can't do this today."

"This?" he asks.

She flings a hand out to indicate the animals in New Atlantis that he and Sam and Jonas and now she take care of. "This. Any of it."

There's this pain in his eyes that looks like how she feels. He nods, eyes closing for a second and says, "You don't have to. I'll watch Bonny and William. You go take care of Kate."

She seriously could've blown him right there on the porch for gratitude, but she keeps it to kissing his cheek. "Thanks," she tells him and an hour and a half later, she's dressed for anything and headed for the caves. The one place she and Declan never went together was Rapture. So today, she's going there.

Figures other-her would have the same plan. She smiles, kind of dark and bitter. "Hey, Kate."