everyone_takes | [Danny]

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danny

[Danny]

It's been a couple of weeks now. Long enough that Kate's not really mad anymore. Long enough that she even sort of gets what Danny was trying to say to her that day in the Compound, but she's still a little hurt. It's not even about what he wants her to do, in the end. It's about feeling like she wasn't listened to at all and it reminds her just a little too much of how things used to be at home sometimes.

Still, class has been awkward as all hell and she knows that she's going to have to be the one to go to Danny. He basically told her as much, after all, and she figures that makes sense, even if it makes her super uncomfortable and even if she has no idea how to start. It's like she wants to be an adult and calmly tell him why she was upset, but that's hard. It's hard because it's super vague and she feels pretty stupid about it now.

But she still has to try. She knows that much, which is why she's at Danny's place that afternoon. Right now she's going to be an adult, she's going to talk to him, but she's also going to tell him why she's upset. Because she deserves to be heard.

"Danny?" she calls, knocking lightly on the door. "Are you here?"

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"Is it a bad time to talk?" she asks, eyebrows pulled together slightly. Now that she's thought of it, she's still worried he's angry with her and that's not helping. Not when she just wants to tell him why she was so upset. Back home, being heard had always been sort of difficult, given how many different people her mom tended to be. But now she just wants to get things said.

"No, but let's take a walk," he says, closing the door behind him and gesturing to the path. He'd rather do this on solid ground, but if she's got her heart set on the beach, he can tolerate it for her. "What's up?" he asks one more time, not wanting to beat around the bush.

"Okay," Kate agrees, starting out for the path Danny has gestured to, trying to figure out the right way to start. There's a lot of stuff she wants to say, but she also wants to start it off right and after a second, it comes to her.

"So, first and I guess this is the important bit, I'm gonna go talk to someone," she says. "Like, one of the psych doctors. I haven't figured out which one yet, but... I will. Because I want to keep training." But it's important for her, too, to find one she feels she can trust at least a little bit.

He looks at her warily. Couple of weeks ago, Danny would've sworn that he'd lost the one good trainee he'd had in years, but now she's here, hat in hand and admitting that she's willing to take that next step. He knows that it's rough for her (hell, she's told him about her mother), but that's part of why it's even more important that she's in the right mental state to do this.

Danny will never, not ever, forgive himself if she can't handle the weapon and does something that he'll always regret. "What changed your mind?"

"I don't know. I just... I thought about it. About you. And I was sort of mad still, but only because... it's like, I got really used to no one listening to me at home, okay? With all the shit that was always happening, sometimes me and Marshall were on our own a lot."

She pauses, looking for the right words again. "But I never get that with you. I mean, I'm almost nineteen, it's not like I'm a kid anymore, but you still always like, made the effort to listen to what I was saying."

"And this time, I basically informed you that you had to get psych approval," he makes his best guess, nodding as he comes to a stop. He gets it, he does, but he needs her to understand why he's so adamant about this. "Back home, I was in the Academy with a couple of guys. Thing is, being a cop is hard. It's rough, especially being a clean one. One of my buddies, he couldn't take it, which meant that he took that service revolver and he did things that I don't want to talk about."

"And jesus, but if you've got something that might make it harder for you to be a cop? Not that I'm saying you'd go dirty, but I watched my kid get kidnapped from here because I did the right thing. I'm sorry if I made you feel that way, truly, I am," he insists. "But I'd rather you be pissed at me now than dead or furious at me later."

"I get it," Kate promises him, wincing a little at what he's saying. She does get it, especially with what he's telling her now and there's a lot of shit that's gone on her life, so she gets why he might be concerned. It's not like she's had the most normal, stable upbringing and as much as she loves her parents and thinks she came out pretty damn normal -- and awesome -- despite the insanity, she understands what it can look like from the outside.

"I totally get it," she says. "I think I just... I needed to work it out and I just really wanted you to listen to why it was a hard thing for me. That's all. Because I really did watch a lot of doctors fail my mom over the years and it's... hard to trust that process."

He takes a deep breath in, nodding as he tugs her into an unwarned-for hug, embracing her tightly as he can. "You know I wouldn't stand for it if you felt like you were actually not getting anything out of therapy, right?" he pointed out. "There's a whole list of doctors, you can go from A to Z if that's what you feel like, until you find the one that works."

Blinking rapidly a few times, Kate wraps her arms around Danny in return, letting herself just enjoy the hug. No one's ever going to be able to replace Max, but it's sort of nice, all the same, knowing there's someone here who's looking out for her like he used to.

"Aren't they gonna find it a little weird if I go see every single doctor?" she asks, her voice muffled against his shoulder. "I mean, I hope I don't have to do that."

"Call it shopping," he teases, turning his head enough to brush a casual kiss to her temple before letting her go. "Seriously. Ask for their prices, the pros and cons, then line 'em up and pick so you can make the others feel bad as people," he jests. "Make it some kind of fun for you."

That gets a laugh out of Kate and she grins a little, rubbing one hand across her face. "Thanks," she says, knowing he probably knows what for, but needing to say it all anyway. "I mean, you know, for listening to me this time and for... letting me come to this shit on my own." It makes it a lot easier to accept when no one's trying to push it on her. Kate's never done well with people telling her what she has to do.

"Don't forgive me yet," he points out with a wry warning. "You haven't done any sessions." There's every chance that she could head into one of those and come out angrier at him than before. Danny's mostly used to people being angry at him. It's almost soothing -- reassuring.

"At that point I'll just get angry at the doctor. It'll be like, cathartic or whatever." She's pretty sure most of the head doctors would agree with her on that one, too. Or they'll want to teach her some kind of healthy way of dealing with her anger instead of what she normally does, which isn't exactly the type of thing she thinks anyone is supposed to do when they're pissed.

"Good, because I can only take so much yelling." And with everything that's been going on, it might be worried yelling, but it still tends to mean raised voices in his general direction. "Listen, I might not be around as much, okay? But if you need me, you find me or you find Steve and I'll always make time for you."

"Why? What's going on?" she asks. Danny's a pretty busy guy, she knows that, but he's never warned her about being busy before and she has to wonder if there's something happening. Especially since he seemed so tired when she first showed up at his place and wanted to go for a walk rather than stick around. "Is everything okay?"

"Steve and I took in a little girl that we found," Danny explains, unable to help the small grimace he gives when he thinks about the circumstances they found her in and how he hopes never to have to do that again. "She's wonderful, she is, but...it's nerve-wracking, being a Dad again."

"Oh, come on," she says and she only just manages to keep herself from rolling her eyes. It's not that she thinks Danny's being stupid, because being a parent is probably the most terrifying thing that anyone has ever done, as far as Kate's concerned. But he's so obviously good at it.

"You're like, made for that sort of stuff," she points out. "My dad was pretty awesome and you're equally as awesome, for sure."

"Acting as a responsible adult person," he clarifies, wanting this out in the open, "is so incredibly different from acting like a parent." As far as Danny's concerned, there's whole leagues of different. "Plus, she's only about eight, maybe nine. There's a lot of things that I haven't had to be responsible for creeping into my life again and it's...fucking terrifying. I wanted this. I still want it. It's scary as hell, though."

"Well, yeah. Kids are terrifying," Kate agrees. The thought of ever having one of her own is absolutely the scariest thing she can think of and it's definitely not something she's planning on doing in the next little while. Maybe not ever. But if anyone's good at it, it's Danny. "But scary or not, you're still good at it. Trust me, I know these things."

There aren't many people who she'll say that about, but she means it now.

"Well, I'm going to trust you," he says, giving her a little check with his shoulder, unable to hold back his smile that much. "Because you seem to know what you're doing." And beyond that, he does trust her and he values her opinion. "So, when you've got a piece of paper that says you are capable of shooting a gun, you should see me. We'll actually get that thing loaded."

Kate gives a nod at that and although her smile fades a little bit, it's mostly because she's nervous about finding someone. It isn't going to be easy and she's not really looking forward to it, but she'll do it anyway.

"Okay," she agrees. "I'll do that. I'll find someone."

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[Danny]

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