everyone_takes | (no subject)

"We can do this," Kate says, standing at the kitchen counter, ingredients spread out around her in a haphazard manner. There's too much stuff here, she thinks, she can't remember Marshall ever using this much stuff just to bake, but she's got all the ingredients the recipe calls for.

Of course, she's really not the type to bake, normally, but lately she feels like she wants to do things that she normally doesn't do. No matter what, she feels shitty. Marshall's still gone. There are people around her, people who love her and who are trying, but she doesn't know how to feel better. What she wants, more than anything, is to just sleep for a week, but if she does that, she doesn't know who's going to take care of the two of them.

"Right?" she asks, looking at Effy. She's coaxed her into the kitchen today with the promise of brownies, although now that she's here, she isn't sure they're going to be any good. This is really Marshall's area of expertise and she's pretty sure she's going to butcher them. But maybe that's why she's doing it, just to remind her of all the things he did for her, all the things she can't do herself.

Because she can't. She's really lost without him and she doesn't know how to say it or how to ask for help, because she's never needed help before. She's always had Marshall and he's always had her. It's how they've gotten through life. Now she's alone.

"So there's butter and flour and, uh... baking soda? Or baking powder? Fuck, I can't remember." And she'd consult the book, but her hands are already covered in crap. She really has no idea how he managed to do this so well and always stay clean. Probably why he always wore those super gay aprons.

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Kate laughs, although she isn't exactly sure why, mostly because Effy seems as confused as she is about what temperature to set the oven at. It makes it seem like it's not such a big deal -- which it isn't, really, she's just being weirdly sensitive about the stupidest things lately -- and she leans against the counter for a second, trying to remember.

"Maybe three-fifty?" she guesses, figuring if it's wrong, they can just bake it for longer or for less time or whatever it takes to make sure they're not a mess. "I think it said something like that. Three-fifty for half an hour and if they're rock hard burned pucks then I'll just give them to Danny and Jeff and pretend it's a super nice present and if they tell me they're gross, they'll be hurting my feelings," she says, grinning. The both of them would probably eat the brownies just to avoid upsetting her, she thinks, which probably means she shouldn't give them to them.

It's not much, but she smiles, the expression feeling so unfamiliar that her cheeks immediately ache with the effort. It may take less muscles to smile than it does to frown, but it takes even less to even that expression out to nothing at all. Her cheeks prickle with the movement, and Effy blinks her eyes a couple of times, as though trying to see if the world looks different for that brief, tentative step forward she's taken.

No doubt it'll be taken from her at some point again, a voice warns.

But... there was nothing else to do for it.

Just smile, because with everything else that changes around her, it seems like Kate hasn't really at all.