everyone_takes | (no subject)

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carla jean

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Kate's never been much of the 'talk about her feelings' type. She knows most of that is because of the way she grew up, everyone tiptoeing around Tara, making sure they didn't set off any of the alters by accident. She knows it's also the reason she rebelled so hard, too, went in the complete opposite direction and made everyone super aware of all her superficial feelings in as loud a voice as she could manage.

That's different, though. That was never real or serious. There aren't that many years between her and Overland Park now, but there's enough that she can see it for what it was, but seeing it doesn't mean she's stopped it. She still acts like that, still acts out when she can't see another way to deal, but it doesn't work. That much she's figured out. It just doesn't work.

Pushing things down, pretending they're not there, none of that works for long.

She can't talk to Danny about this, she's sure of that, and she's not remotely interested in going to any of the therapists on the island. Not that they're not great, she's sure they're perfectly nice people, but she doesn't trust most mental health professionals and she doesn't see that changing any time soon. Her friends are awesome, but it's kind of a limited social circle and of the two she trusts the most, there's only one she can talk to about any of this.

Which is why she's dragging Carla Jean along with her to the Winchester. Not that she thinks she has to force her to come along, but she still feels a little awkward. She's just not good at talking about her feelings.

"So," she says, drawing the word out as they near the bar. "Dinner's totally on me?"

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Carla Jean is pretty sure that there are few good conversations that start that way. It isn't as if she expects that Kate has some awful news for her, like she's going to drop some major bombshell, but even so, it leaves her just a little on guard as she leans forward over the table, chin propped up in the palm of one hand, undeniably curious. She'd suspected, of course, that they were doing this for a reason, but now that the subject's come up, she can't help wanting to know what that reason is.

"Alright," she says, the word's syllables drawn out. "What is it?"

"It's not really a big deal or anything," she says, fiddling with the table. It's a big deal to her, but it's not, in the grand scheme of things. "It's just... Harry's been gone for almost three months now and... no, whatever, I'm not going to make excuses."

No matter how she says it, she was into someone else other than Harry before he disappeared.

"I have a thing for Reggie, I think," she blurts out. "And I'm pretty sure it started ages ago. Way before Harry disappeared and I'm a total asshole, I know."

Edited 2013-07-02 19:32 (UTC)

For a moment, all Carla Jean can do is stare, then blink a few times as she tries to take that in. Whatever she'd been expecting in coming out tonight, it certainly wasn't that, and yet, at the same time, there's a part of her that isn't really all that surprised. Thinking about it, for the two of them, it makes a certain kind of sense. It's not as if she's some kind of expert, but it seems to work, too.

"First of all, as long as you didn't do anything about it before Harry disappeared, then you're not a total asshole," she says, meaning it entirely, though she's careful about choosing her words. To her, it's almost unfathomable, but she was a rare case, she knows, of finding the right person right off. There's never been anyone for her but Llewelyn; she doubts there ever will be. "Maybe it wasn't workin'. Either way, I don't think anyone ever said you couldn't move on after three months."

"Yeah, no, I definitely kept it to myself. Squashed it down, all that fun stuff," she says, her voice wry, because it hadn't been fun at all. This still isn't fun, because she's not used to being uncertain about anything. She likes knowing where she stands, but she has no idea how to bring it up or even if she should.

"But it's just, I don't know. Reggie likes to talk big, we both know that, but he's kind of had a totally different life from me and you. I'm pretty sure I scare the shit out of him half the time."

"You probably do," Carla Jean says frankly, though in spite of the subject, it's all she can do to hold back a laugh at that. She's not sure she would ever have thought of it quite like that, but she knows Kate is right, too. It's kind of sweet sometimes, in fact, how sheltered Reggie seems to have been when he's living with people like the two of them now. But then, the fact that he's doing so -- that he hasn't been scared off yet -- has got to count for something, at least on that front. She hasn't got a goddamn clue whether or not Kate's feelings are reciprocated, but she wouldn't rule it out, certainly not on that basis. "But... hell, I don't know. I guess the first thing you should do, before worryin' about that, is figure out if you're sure you want somethin' to come of it or not."

"Yeah, there's definitely that," she agrees, resting her chin in her hand and chewing her lower lip. "I mean, I didn't exactly deal with Harry's disappearance by becoming celibate, if you know what I mean and I'm totally willing to stop that if, you know, something happens."

She's not even sure what she's trying to say. "I don't know, this is weird. I'm used to totally being in charge and with him, I'm just clueless."

"If it helps, I think he's pretty clueless, too," Carla Jean points out, head tipping to the side. She tends to think that's the case about Reggie when it comes to most things, but probably especially with something like this, as much as he'd like them to believe otherwise. She loves the kid, but he can be pretty naïve. "Definitely don't tell him what you just told me. I don't think he'd have the first idea what to do with that."

Kate gives a snort of laughter and shakes her head. "No, I definitely no better than that. I caught him with the unicorns once and they totally bolted as soon as I got there, of course, so I was stuck trying to tell him why they didn't like me and why they liked him and it was... kind of hilarious." She isn't sure if Reggie thought it was very funny, but she'd definitely been amused by the whole thing.

"Oh, Lord, you saw that, too?" Carla Jean asks, laughing in turn before she can help it. She'd just come right out with it, but then, she's the one of them who's been married; even Reggie, she's sure, couldn't have been too surprised to learn that the unicorns wouldn't go near her, at least once he found out how it all works. "That was definitely one of the stranger conversations I've ever had."

"Oh my god, so I explained it to him and he was just like, 'That's cool, I want to be Island Beastmaster'," she says, grinning. "And then he said that nice boobs are a dime a dozen, which is just ridiculous, because there are plenty of less than stellar boobs in the world. Even on the island, I'm sure they're not all totally perfect."

"Lord, leave it to a teenage boy," Carla Jean replies, head tipping back as she laughs. She's never really cared much for them, really, though she's barely out of the same age bracket herself. With Reggie, though, there's something slightly different, the combination of earnestness and false bravado proving to be strangely endearing about as much as it makes her roll her eyes. "They are definitely not all totally perfect. Clearly, he doesn't know what he's talking about."

"Right?" Kate asks, gesturing. "It's totally weird and it's like... okay, it shouldn't even be a consideration, I'm like, totally getting ahead of myself, but what if it actually worked out? What if he is interested in going out and... yeah, I don't know. It's kind of intimidating."

"Oh, God." Carla Jean can't help but laugh at that, for all that she's not really sure it's something she wants to be thinking about. With all Kate knows and all Reggie doesn't, the idea alone is both amusing and horrifying. "That's definitely one word for it."

"I know," Kate says, laughing, too. She's still sort of embarrassed, but she's also glad that she's finally said something, too. Even if she doesn't talk a lot about her feelings, it actually feels a lot better having it out. "But now I'm totally stuck. I like having you guys as roommates, so I don't want to make anything super awkward."

"Hey, as long as I don't have to hear anything, y'all do whatever you want," Carla Jean says, hands raising defensively, though she's more teasing than not. They've clearly addressed that that isn't on the table yet, that there's no telling if it even could be. "No, I don't know. The only experience I have is... It just happened, easy as anything."

"Yeah, Harry's pretty much the only boyfriend I've ever had," Kate admits with a small shrug. "Most of the other guys it's just been..." She trails off and waves her hand. Some of them have been significant, but it's mostly been sex and not dating.

"I had to like Reggie, right?" she asks, then laughs again and drops her forehead to the table.

"Sometimes there's just no helpin' it," Carla Jean says with a huff of a laugh, though it's entirely true. She certainly hadn't meant to fall for someone more than twice her age, a customer at the store just like any other, but in the blink of an eye, there she'd been, married at sixteen and moving out of her grandmother's house. "And who knows? Weird or not, it could just work."

"Maybe," Kate says, lifting her head and leaning on her hand. "Except I'm pretty sure he thinks he wants to like, sow his wild oats or whatever. But without any of the actual sowing, because that would mean he was getting laid and we all know how that's not happening. We talked about it before, about how people on this island just seem to jump into relationships and get married and settle down and he seemed pretty against it."

She pauses. "Not that I want to get married. Just... a world of no. No offense."

"None taken," Carla Jean replies with a huff of a laugh, shaking her head. "It ain't for everyone. At least you know it." She's known too many girls, at least peripherally, who got married because they thought they had to (or because they really did have no other choice). She doesn't see anything wrong with Kate's approach when at least she's up front about what she does and doesn't want. "Do somethin' casual, maybe. Ease into it. See if that works."

It's good advice and Kate knows this is why she decided to talk to Carla Jean over anyone else. She hasn't come looking for advice, exactly, but it's welcome all the same. "You're right," she says. "Totally right. That's super good advice and even though I usually suck pretty hard at taking advice, especially good advice, I'll um... I'll do it this time."

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